· By Case Kenny
A new response to being ghosted...
In the instances where you’re on the receiving end of poor dating behavior - someone ghosts you, someone says they're not ready for more after 4 months or says "right person, wrong time," someone leaves you hanging, someone makes excuses and then leaves you, etc. - you have two options.
Option 1... You can see that experience as a reflection of something you lack - you weren’t funny, hot, smart, entertaining or confident enough to keep their attention. You weren't lovable enough to get them to choose you. That experience is a reflection of your worth. That experience is a reflection of more to come.
Option 2... You contrast that experience with an alternative I think will be far less appealing to you. Option 2 is you picture what a slow breakup with the wrong person looks like.
That’s a slow breakup with the wrong person.
That’s a slow breakup with someone you had to chase, you had to convince to want more or you had to change to make it work. That's a slow breakup where you both slowly lose interest and trust in each other. You became numb to each other. You’re less and less interested in them and what's on their mind. You start to grow distant over time. You don’t think to text or call them. You start to picture life without them. You don't care about them like you used to.
That's a slow breakup and it happens over time. You watch as something that was once exciting and new and what you wanted slowly but surely turn into what you don’t deserve.
A relationship ending like that is so sad to see because it’s dragged out over months. It’s dragged out because you don’t want to embrace the truth, they don’t want to either and you don’t want to let go of comfort.
I give that description of a slow breakup to contrast with the abrupt nature of today’s modern frustrating dating experiences in the hopes you might see what I see.
I would much rather take the short term pain of an abrupt dating experience over the long term pain of a drawn out slow burn breakup with the wrong person.
I would rather today be day 1 of healing, day 1 of a new chapter, day 1 of moving towards what I deserve… than drawing out something you know deep down isn’t right or is forced. I would rather do that because I’ve decided being ghosted, being 180’d, hearing "right person wrong time," seeing someone make excuses and then leave… that's simply a reflection of incompatibility and nothing more.
Ghosting is a sign of incompatibility. Love bombing and then leaving is a sign of incompatibility. Someone who 180s or changes their mind is a sign of incompatibility.
I would rather experience the abruptness and frustration of those experiences than hopping into a forced relationship with someone only to watch it slowly fall apart down the line.
I’m hoping that with this perspective in mind you can see those experiences for what they are: incompatibility.
Wouldn’t you rather take some disappointment or frustration today but know it means you're now free to move freely in a new direction?
Wouldn’t you rather take some disappointment or frustration today but know it means today is day 1 of healing and living a new standard?
Wouldn’t you rather take some disappointment or frustration today but know it means you’re now moving in the direction of what you actually want and deserve?