How do you describe yourself?
You might say things like...
I am confident. I am successful. I am happy. I am creative.
I want to be confident. I want to be successful. I want to be happy. I want to be creative.
It's great to describe your ideal self with words like that... but I've found we put A LOT of pressure on ourselves when we do.
When you invariably fall short of those adjectives, you feel like sh**. You feel like a fake. You feel like an imposter.
If you listen to the podcast, you know I love VERBS (lol). I love action words because while you can't always control how you FEEL... you can always control what you DO.
So let's change how we perceive ourselves by changing our words.
Instead of saying I am successful. I am confident. I am happy.... say I am the kind of person who works hard. I am the kind of person who asks for what I want. I am the kind of person who asks a question if I doesn't know the answer.
Sounds simpler, right?
There's a quote from James Clear in his book Atomic Habits that described this mindset in terms of habits and I love it.
Instead of worrying about losing 40 lbs, focus on being the kind of person who doesn't miss workouts. Or rather than worrying about finishing the novel, focus on being the kind of person who writes every day.
He’s talking about building habits but I like this idea as a mindset for life.
We owe it to ourselves to stop putting so much pressure on ourselves to BE a certain way and instead we should strive to just DO the things that will make us that way.
Instead of saying I am confident / I want to be confident.
Say: I am the kind of person who is willing to try, who asks for what I want, who shoots my shot.
You can’t always control whether you feel confident but you can control what you do.
Instead of saying I am happy / I want to be happy.
Say: I am the kind of person who is grateful for the life I'm building.
That is something you can practice everyday. You can wake up each morning and be grateful for the privilege of being able to work, to drink coffee, to have people who love and support you, etc.
Doesn't that sound peaceful to you?
You want to be happy? Well, what are the verbs?
You’re the kind of person who practices gratitude every day, who eats healthy, who washes their face, who stays hydrated, etc.
You want to be successful? Well, what are the verbs?
You’re the kind of person who does what they say they’ll do. You’re the kind of person who submits work on time. You’re the kind of person who asks for a promotion. You're the kind of person who volunteers to go first.
You want to be in a healthy relationship? Well, what are the verbs?
You’re the kind of person who listens to their intuition. You're the kind of person who doesn't ignore red flags. You're the kind of person who respects their standards and boundaries.
Do this exercise in your head or write it down: I'm the kind of person who...
This mindset is much simpler than comparing yourself and beating yourself up when you're not the person you strive to be. Now you simply focus on those VERBS.
And great news... the universe rewards people who are consistent with action.
The universe rewards people who do those things no matter what. It rewards people who do them even when they don’t want to, even when they’d rather not, even when it’s awkward or uncomfortable.
When this is your mentality and this is how you perceive yourself, I think you'll be much happier and overthink less. You won't turn to the mirror to judge and criticize yourself. You won’t turn to Instagram to compare yourself.
You'll simply turn to the way you describe yourself: you’re the kind person who...