· By Case Kenny
Do men fall in love?
The other day I saw a Tweet from a woman that said: "I think men either love you straight away or never do."
"I think men either love you straight away or never do."
Do men either know right away or do they just never fall in love? Is it either immediate or it never happens at all?
I want you to consider something the next time you find yourself overthinking whether you need love at first sight in order for it to be real or overthinking whether someone needs to fall in love with you at first sight in order for it to be real.
Love at first sight cannot possibly be the complete version of love that you deserve.
I definitely believe in a spark, but we need to expect and hold out for a love that goes beyond an initial click because a complete love requires more than that. Love should be about adding.
In the face of the pressure you’ve put on yourself to fall in love and know immediately and in the face of wanting someone to fall in love with you and know from day one… I encourage you to ask yourself: what would you rather have:
A love that develops slowly where you slowly ADD more goodness to the picture?
Or a love that is fireworks from day one but where you gradually SUBTRACT from it?
I know THAT sounds like a downer and I hope you never experience the latter but I offer that point of contrast for you to consider the gift that is a love that develops slowly.
That's a love where you slowly add more to the picture. A love where you say yes, and yes, and yes. A love where you slowly add clarity and assurance. A love where each passing day, week, and month makes you more and more sure.
Far too many of us live with pressure to attach to someone quickly. That's pressure to attach and label quickly because we’ve been conditioned to think that that is what makes love real. We’ve been convinced to think that slow love is not real love. Love is about adding.
Love is about the slowness of adding your pieces together.
Adding your honest to theirs. Adding your worldview to theirs. That’s a love that is pure and unrushed. It's devoid of any labels or pressure to be a certain way. It's devoid of any timing, superficial sparks, or expectations.
Thinking you NEED an over-the-top spark leaves you open to applying definitive labels to your relationship before you even have a relationship.
We have to be careful with that because if we’ve pressured ourselves to NEED that from day one, if we've pressured ourselves into the idea that men either love you right away or not at all, then we might misinterpret feelings and assign meaning to them that’s not really there.
We might confuse compliments for compatibility.
We might confuse love bombing for compatibility.
We might confuse the bare minimum for compatibility.
We have to be OK with starting at zero and slowly adding to that goodness.
We don’t need a love that starts at 100. We can start at zero and slowly add to it. There’s nothing unromantic about that. There’s nothing less real about that. Falling in love is the most rewarding part of the process.
Again, ask yourself: what would you rather have: a love where you slowly subtract certainty? Or a love where you slowly add certainty?
I hope you say the latter. That's a pure, unrushed love where you slowly add together.
That's not a love that's rushed with a label or expectation where you’re gradually subtracting from it.
Be willing to start at zero.
Be willing to start with a small spark that says "this is worth exploring."
Be willing to live by your own standards and definition of clarity - not someone else’s that says the process needs to look a certain way.