It is loss or transition?

I want to talk about transitions in life. I don’t want to talk about the changes in life that YOU decide to embark on - changing a job, changing cities, deciding a relationship isn’t working for you, etc.

I want to talk about the changes given to you or the ones you’re kinda forced to do or embrace yourself - you’re broken up with, something changes with your job, your family, your friends, etc.

I want to talk about life transitions.

The transitioning between A and B.

The other day I saw a tweet that I half liked and half didn’t like.

"The best thing about life is that everything I've ever lost, has been replaced with something better. I never lack, I just transition."

Objectively I like the idea of believing that loss isn’t loss as those things will be replaced by something better.

But this tweet kinda makes me feel that I should all be able to look at my life and say "I lost that, I lost this… but here’s what I now have that’s better. Ok that relationship didn’t work but look I’m with my soulmate. Ok those 5 jobs weren't for me, but look now I’m working my dream job."

Right now I can't really say that 100% so it makes me feel guilty...

​​ Sure, when you’re older and you’re looking back on your life… on your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and you can say that. You can probably connect all the pieces looking back. Because you have so many more chapters to look at.

But what about the majority of us who are still going through life?

What about ​​those of us who haven’t found that better thing yet?!

What about right now? Amidst the changes in life? That’s a change from being in a relationship to being single, that’s a change from working a job to not, that’s a change from loving yourself or not, that’s a change in your friendships, you name it.

What do we do amidst the ups and downs?

The most powerful thing we can do for ourselves is not allow our human, reactive mind to assume that change is bad, that different means worse, or that change means lack.

The next time something in your life changes, the next time you objectively lose something in life… take a pause and before you jump to conclusions and ask yourself:

Is this LACK or is this TRANSITION?

Is this LACK or is this TRANSITION?

The reason I find this question so powerful is because it allows you to question where the discomfort of change is coming from. Change is always going to be uncomfortable. Of course.

By definition change is going from something that was good, that was routine, that was normal… to something new. And of course that is uncomfortable.

As humans we associate discomfort with the negative. That’s how we’re wired and it’s helpful in most scenarios right? Touching a hot plate… discomfort… stop. Good, you saved yourself.

But when it comes to emotional matters, purpose, passion, relationship… it’s not that binary.

So how can we prove to ourselves that the discomfort we feel from change in life is a positive one?

Let’s get real about the fact that growing, progressing in life is literally impossible without change. I’m sure you can find examples in your life where your growth was literally only the result of change - changing from high school to college, changing from working that summer job to finally working your big boy big girl job, change from not working out to working out and finding some confidence that way.

We have so many examples of life where our growth was the result of change. But think about those examples… You probably chose the ones where YOU decided to change. You chose the example of YOU breaking up with your ex, YOU changing jobs, YOU moving cities and so on.

But what about the changes we didn't want in the first place?

Why can’t we apply the same logic to those?

Mindfulness is about logic. It’s about applying the same rules in life whether it’s a good scenario or bad and it’s in this sense I find a lot of power in showing myself the positive side of change.

We have proof that change CAN be good… the change that WE started.

Why can’t we believe that the change thrust upon us CAN be good as well?

Why can’t we believe that change given to us is a reflection of transition instead of lack?

Why can't we believe that change given to us is a sign that we’re now in between two things? We’re in between something that wasn’t right for us - we might’ve thought it was, we hoped it was but usually it was proven not to be - we’re in between that AND the future. ... and the future holds something better.

Can you push yourself to try this?

To believe the future holds something better for you? Is it lack or is it transition? Lack is only lack if you decide this is the end of your story. But if you decide it’s not… you’re simply now in a state of transition. You're in between. The discomfort you feel is simply the discomfort of moving past something.

You’re in between.

You’re in between what wasn't right for you and what is right for you. You’re in between A and B.

You're in between relationships, jobs, people, and places. But you believe that on the other side is what you deserve.

Discomfort is a sign. It’s a positive sign that something wasn't right for you but there is something right for you and it lies beyond the in between. The only way it’s true loss is if you decide this is the last page of the last chapter of your life story.

You don’t believe that this is your final chapter, do you? If you’re tempted to say you do… I’d challenge you to prove it. Seriously prove to me that you have nothing left in the tank, that you’re not willing to try again, that you’re giving up, that you have nothing to offer the world, a partner, a job, a friend, etc.

Take a break, take the pressure off but know deep down that this is not it.

This is not your final chapter.

Say that...

"This is not my final chapter."

You are simply in a state of transitioning. Transition. Not loss.

This is not your final chapter.