This is what to look for in a partner.
Have you ever noticed how we tend to think and talk about relationships?
I wish I was in a relationship. I don’t want to be single anymore. I need to be in a relationship. I want THAT relationship.
Instead of looking for the right person we look for the right relationship. But when we do that we lose sight of the very qualities of the person that make a relationship right or wrong for us. We see the forest instead of the trees.
We need to focus on the person again. Closely and intentionally!
I think you should look for someone who has Kanye attitude and Drake feelings.
Don't look for a relationship. Don’t picture a relationship. Focus on looking for a person who has Kanye attitude and Drake feelings first and foremost.
Not an attitude that says I’m a bad b**** look at my swag kinda thing.
Do they have conviction? Do they have something that guides them? Do they have a stubborn sense of being? A drive? Motivation?
You should look for someone who wants to be better, who is curious and energized and wants more, who when they don’t know the answer to a question… they look it up! Someone with attitude simply has an internal fire.
Just as they are driven to become more themselves, they encourage the same in you.
They support your passions, your hobbies and your career. They understand when you cancel plans last minute because you have a project you're working on. They understand your drive and would never give you an ultimatum to pick them or your growth.
It’s someone who is stubborn in a good way. It’s someone who fights for themselves and their growth.
Why does that matter? Because someone who does, I’ve found, is willing to do the same for you. They’ll fight for you, be there and be stubborn FOR you just as they are for themselves.
That is attitude.
You also need balance and that’s where the homie Drake and his feelings come in.
Quite literally feelings. Emotions. Being vulnerable. Being honest. Is that person willing to admit they’re wrong? Are they willing to say how they’re feeling? Or do they make you second guess everything?
Do they make you feeling lonely? Do they make you question your worth? Do you know exactly how they feel because they have no problem saying it? Do you know your worth because they tell you how worthy you are?
Feelings can take a lot of different forms but in my experience, it means looking for someone who is capable of having a deep and emotional conversation.
Someone with Drake feelings is someone who is flirty and likes joking around and talking about superficial things but is also capable and eager to go deeper. They talk about the things they don’t understand, the things that have eluded them, and the times they were wrong or disappointed themselves or others. If someone can’t go deeper than talking about their weekend, nights out and their job I think you need to really evaluate why you’re considering being with them.
Feelings. And attitude.
Do they have conviction but are they also vulnerable? Do they have drive but also a sense of compassion for themselves and others? I think when you approach dating with those two priorities in mind you'll be able to quickly see who’s right and wrong for you and it’ll remind you that:
You deserve more than basic conversations, basic communication, basic drive.
You deserve someone who doesn’t leave you guessing.
You deserve someone who supports your own growth in the same way they are driven to support their own.
You deserve someone who doesn’t give mixed signals or dismiss your ideas, hobbies or passions.
I think the best, most powerful connections come when you combine drive and vulnerability, growth and compassion, trips around the world and a weekend on the couch, work hard and play hard.
That’s the balance.
You’re not asking for too much when you want those things. That is what you deserve and your standards are never too high when you look for it.