· By Case Kenny
No more playing games
I want to talk about a topic we all need to address.
The emotional games people play in dating...
I’m talking about intentionally waiting 3 days to talk to someone again, I’m talking about waiting to respond to texts to appear busy, I’m talking about breadcrumbing. I’m talking about giving someone the silent treatment. I’m talking about playing hot and cold on purpose. I’m talking about refusing to DTR a relationship, leading someone on, etc.
If you’re super honest, we all sometimes give into playing these games - not overtly like some master manipulator, but just as a result of uncertainty. We give into playing them. We allow others to bring them out in us. And we allow others to get away with playing them on us.
From this moment forward, we’re going to draw a line in the sand both for us and for the people we have relationships with.
No more games.
Why? From my perspective - that's the perspective of a straight dude who dated a lot in his 20s and who’s now in a relationship - men are simple creatures. What you say is heard and understood at face value.
If you tell a man you’re not looking for a relationship… he understands that you’re not looking for a relationship.
He doesn’t hear that statement and understands what you really mean - that you don’t want to pressure him and scare him off so you’re just saying that and then you’ll get serious later and eventually you’ll be official together.
You say you’re just looking for something casual, you say you’re just a go with the flow kinda gal… well, that’s the conclusion he’s going to come to. Nothing more.
Games frankly are intentional manipulation.
If you say you only want something casual… that trains the other person to think that. End of story.
The words we say train someone to expect a reality that you don’t really want.
The moment you utter something that is not true or you saying something because you think it’s what they want to hear… you’re establishing a reality that you don’t actually want.
How does that serve you? G
ames reinforce a reality you don’t want. If you ultimately want to be with someone who accepts what you say and how you feel at face value, you have to be honest at face value.
Otherwise, can you see how confusing this is?!
You deserve someone who hears what you say and they respond with "ok I support you. I understand. That’s your truth. I understand you."
So the moment you start saying things like you don’t want a relationship even if you do, the moment you start delaying texts to seem chill, the moment you go hot and cold to help build interest or make them jealous… you’re destroying that.
You want a partner who understands you. Well, games destroy that element from the beginning.
They establish a reality that is not the reality you want.
No more leaving them on read to appear cool and busy and wanted by others. No more going hot and cold to hope it makes them want you more. No more playing hard to get.
If they're playing games, don’t be that person who says "two can play that game." That is a waste of time. If they go hot and cold, don’t you go hot and cold. If they play hard to get, let them.
Move on. You don’t have time for that.
All games do is establish a reality that you don’t want.
Yes, have standards and boundaries. But just be honest about them. The moment you embrace your truth, how you actually are, what you actually want… you’re free to see their reaction.
And their reaction will either tell you YES or NO. Wouldn’t you rather have that today than a month from now after playing games only to see they want the fake version of you instead of the real one?
Wouldn’t you rather know today than later?
"Do they like me? What do they want? Are they serious?"
Doesn't that headspace suck?
You know your reality. You know what you want and serve. There’s someone out there who wants that too and who you don't need to play a game with.