· By Case Kenny
The stories you tell yourself about why you're single
What I’m about to say is going to sound like a strong contender for basic lower back tattoo of the year :) but hear me out.
You have to choose yourself before you look for someone else to choose you.
You have to step towards your worth before you expect someone else to step towards it.
To do that you have to take responsibility for the stories you tell yourself. Then and only then will you open yourself up to have the right relationship, with the right person based on the right values.
Phew. Ok. I’m done with my Ted Talk.
Let me explain.
The stories you tell yourself about your dating life…
If you’re single and you find yourself consistently disappointed, frustrated or saying things like “all men are the same” or “women are all crazy!” or “I’m probably just going to be disappointed, hurt, confused, cheated on” … I think this will be particularly powerful for you.
Think about your dating life for a moment. What are the patterns you see?
- Consistently ghosted? Consistently flirted with but nothing more?
- Only finding a lack of communication or no follow-through?
- Only finding people who “aren’t looking for anything serious?”
Think about those patterns for a moment. Seriously think about them.
What are the patterns in your dating life (or lack thereof) that are consistently presenting themselves to you? What are the patterns that frustrate you? What makes you throw your hands up and swear off dating in favor of being that fun aunt/uncle who’s always tipsy and traveling the world?
Got it? Ok, now ask yourself.
What are the stories you’re telling yourself? Are they the same as those frustrations? Have you created stories in your head that look something like this?
I’m single because…
- All men want is sex.
- Everyone cheats.
- No one understands or appreciates me.
- No one can handle me!
- No one wants anything serious.
- No one is honest or has follow through.
Are those the types of stories you’re telling yourself?
It’s time to get real and take responsibility for those stories. It’s time to step into your worth by setting new boundaries for yourself.
I seriously believe that the stories you tell yourself are the ones you’ll end up living.
Call that a cheesy thing to say or label me an overly sensitive dude, but I’ve found and I fundamentally believe that the stories you tell yourself give the universe a sign to continue dishing you up heaps more of the same.
You’re telling the universe what you want to order so why are you surprised when it serves you up a nice plate of bullsh*t?
I’m not surprised if that happens when those are the stories you’re telling yourself.
But here’s the truth: those stories are not reflective of your worth.
You know that you deserve more than those things.
So why are you telling yourself those stories? They’re telling the universe what to bring your way!
- If you keep telling yourself that everyone cheats, you’ll keep finding people who cheat.
- If you keep telling yourself that you’re only going to get hurt, you’ll find someone who will hurt you.
- If you keep telling yourself that everyone disappoints you, you’ll find someone who will do just that.
But, my friend... remember that you can tell yourself any story you want. You can observe, learn and recognize that yes, some people suck. Yes, some men are pigs and some women are crazy. Some people are dishonest and some will f**k you over. I’m not disputing that and I’m sorry you’ve been through that.
But those stories have nothing to do with your worth.
Know your worth by drawing a strong boundary that says you do not tolerate those things or people.
Tell yourself that! Tell yourself your worth!
Tell yourself your worth instead of those stories. Take responsibility for what you tell yourself
- Do you tolerate f***boys? No! Then stop saying that all men are f***boys!
- Do you tolerate dishonesty? No! Then stop saying everyone is dishonest!
- Do you tolerate playing games? No! Then stop saying everyone is playing games!
Tell yourself a different story and watch the universe serve THAT up.
Instead of crippling yourself by saying that what has happened in your dating life is the story of your life and it’s all you’ll ever get, flip the script and tell yourself stories about your worth and what you deserve.
Tell a story that says: There are good people out there. There are people who communicate, are driven, honest and are ready to commit and build together. There are kind, compassionate and driven people who want what’s best for me.
Tell yourself THAT story!
When you take responsibility for the stories you tell yourself, you point yourself in the direction of people who respect your worth. I really believe this!
The universe is listening, my friends! It’s more in tune with you and the stories you tell yourself than you think.
Honor yourself by drawing a boundary and change the stories you tell yourself!
Tell the universe what you want instead of what you don’t.
Tell the universe what you deserve instead of what disappoints you.
Tell the universe the boundaries you’ve set instead of the ways people have broken them in the past.
Tell the universe what you want, repeat stories that affirm your worth and draw a boundary everywhere else. When you do that, I really believe the universe is listening and will serve you up more of what you deserve.