There are a lot of things you can prioritize looking at in dating.
- am I looking for the right red flags?
- am I aware of any big green flags?
- what type of behavior should I be looking for?
- should I test them?
Amidst all the things you can do to see if a partner is right for you, the simplest thing you can do is to ask yourself: "am I respecting myself right now?"
Am I dating with self respect?
It’s flipping the script from "are they respecting me?" back to you.
"Are they respecting me" is a great question to ask yourself but it's area where we're quite apt to make excuses for them. Flipping the script from "are they respecting me" to "am I respecting myself" will give you clarity.
Am I respecting myself right now?
Self respect is acceptance of who you are. It’s acceptance of who you are today, how you feel today and what deep down you need today.
It’s in the word - SELF. It’s taking them out of the equation for a moment… and coming home to you and asking yourself: am I being true to me or am I making concessions, am I faking, am I hiding or am I dropping a boundary?
Here’s why it’s so powerful in dating.
When you date with self respect you’re honest about what makes you YOU and what doesn’t make you YOU. You’re honest about whether you’re YOU while dating someone OR if you’re hiding your true self in some sense.
Self respect says: I’m being true to me. I’m being my real self.
Pretty simple, right?
Yes, but in a relationship we’re wired to sometimes push ourselves or are pushed to abandon our true selves in favor of trying to be an idealized, perfect person.
Self respect brings you back to this question. "Am I being honest about who I am? Am I being honest with them about who I am?"
That’s the question. Are you hiding something you’re passionate about so you don't come off as weird? Are you hiding how you really feel or a question you really want to ask?
This question will alert you to the red flags both within yourself and them.
Am I respecting myself right now? Are you defining your own boundaries? Boundaries that respect who you are? And are you living by them? OR are you allowing someone else to define them?
Self respect leads you to operate from a strong place of presence TODAY.
Looking at dating through the lens of self respect will reveal to you whether or not you’re dating in reality OR in potential. Are you dating as you and they are today?
Are you looking at how your compatibility and relationship together is today? OR are you glued to some vision of the future where everything is perfect?
Are you so glued to a vision of the future that you’re willing to overlook some of the question marks in the present?
Practicing radical self respect can help you snap out of it.
If nothing were to change as the relationship currently is, is that good enough for you?
That's the question that will come to you when you approach dating through the lens of self respect.
Self respect encourages you to deal with what you have to deal with today to know if tomorrow should even be on the menu.
The foundation is self respect.