· By Case Kenny
No more forcing things in life...
We’re really bad at NOT forcing things in life.
We force relationships that don’t deserve more of our time or energy. We force jobs that can’t possibly offer us the fulfilment we deserve. We force friendships that are anything but reciprocal. We force interests, timelines and pressure on our ourselves that do not align with what OUR true talents, abilities and timelines actually are.
I'm sure you've forced something in your life just as I have...
- You stayed in a relationship past its expiration date because you thought more effort and more of YOU could fill the gap between the reality of where the relationship was and the potential you so eagerly wanted it to reach.
- You stayed in a job past the point of it offering you any more growth because you had already invested time and energy into learnings the ins and outs of it.
- You stayed in friendships in the same way. We force things in life because we think we need to.
We think forcing something further - with more of us, more effort, more energy, more time - because we think THAT is the missing element. We think MORE is the solution to getting MORE in life… when deep down we know that we should probably let go.
We know the answer is not more but rather different.
When we’re forcing something we avoid different as something to consider because the more effort we’ve already put in and the more mental commitment we’ve already given something… it corresponds to how important we think that thing is to our ultimate life happiness.
The biggest thing I’ve learned about NOT forcing things in life is to realize this...
That thing you want so baldy - even if it genuinely IS really important and is very much an important part of your life’s story - it’s not THE only piece. It is a piece of your life but it’s not your entire life.
Life is bigger than that thing(s) we think we need to force.
Life is bigger than success. Life is bigger than love. Life is bigger than a certain timeline. Life is bigger than a certain piece of validation.
The value of your existence - zoomed out - is the sum of ALL things… not just one of them.
Love is an amazing part of life. It offers us purpose and connection. But it’s not your entire life.
Success, money and validation through talent is an amazing part of life. But it’s not your entire life.
The great thing about life is that we’ve been given the opportunity to "get it right" in so many different ways.
We’ve been given the opportunity to find a path to happiness that include many stops and seasons along the way.
But when we’re in forcing mode we tend to have lost sight of that zoomed out fact. We tend to lost sight of the fact that life is bigger that the one singular piece.
That one piece you want so badly - that one season - yes, it’s important… but it’s not your entire life. When realize that, we become willing to walk away from it if we need to.
Sometimes that’s exactly what we need to do - walk away today so we can come back to it when the timing is right.
But when you’re in forcing mode, you’ve gotten to a point where that thing, that person, that relationship or that job has become your life in the sense that you think your larger life success and happiness hinges solely on your ability to get this one piece right TODAY.
And because you’ve already invested time and energy into it… you double down.
You force the timeline because you think your larger, zoomed out life IS that piece.
Sometimes we need to give ourselves the gift of thinking bigger for a moment.
That's bigger in the sense of realizing that our life’s summed up, zoomed out happiness and fulfilment is bigger than that one piece.
If you truly believe in what you deserve and you’re willing to work for those things and those people… then you have to be willing to let go of what is not that thing or that person.
You have to learn to say NO to what can’t possibly be that thing or that person.
Letting go… ironically… is the key to getting what you deserve.
Letting go IS a gift. It is the gift. When you do so gracefully and with compassion both for yourself and the thing or person you’re letting go of… you’re allowing yourself to finally embrace the truth that not everyone or everything is for you.
You’re finally willing to let go of those things because you know that even in the very human moments where you don’t want to let go, where you want to try harder, where you want to speed things up, where you want to change someone… you don’t have to. You can take the pressure off yourself.
And at the end of the day isn’t that why we force things in life?
Because we think we need to? Because we think we’re out of options? Because we think we’re falling behind? Because we think that thing is THE Thing?
We put so much pressure on ourselves and we put so much weight and importance on certain pieces in life that we end up misconstruing a timeline, an objective, a person or a certain season as being the entirety of our happiness.
We have to give ourselves the gift of seeing the bigger picture.
Wake you up to the reminder that that thing you want so badly… yes, it’s important… but it’s not your entire life right now. You have many shots at getting it right but to finally get it right we need to take the pressure off for a moment.
We need to find grace in letting go of the things that can’t offer us what we deserve.
We need to find grace in letting go of the season we’re not ready to be in. We need to embrace being in a different season. We need to let go as a means to hang onto our belief in ourselves.
Embrace the season you’re in today.
Maybe the best gift you can give yourself right now is stepping into a new season? A season of different? A season of a different piece?
Maybe it’s a season of letting go so you can firmly hang onto your standard, your faith and your commitment to your journey?