· By Case Kenny
Choosing yourself is NOT a backup plan
I get a lot of DMs from amazing people saying things like I've FINALLY decided to choose myself. I went through a tough breakup. I've had a really tough time in my career. I'm having issues with my friends/family... and now I’m going to choose myself. I think that’s great.
Heck yes! Choose yourself.
Sometimes the reality of life is you finally decide to choose yourself because something led you there. There was some kind of unfortunate catalyst in your life that led you to FINALLY choose yourself.
BUT why do we wait for something to happen in our lives to finally decide to choose ourselves?
All choosing yourself is loving yourself and proving it (emphasis on proving it). That’s it. There's nothing complicated about it.
So why do we choose ourselves as a backup plan to other people NOT choosing us?
Why do wait for someone to hurt us, for a job to disrespect us, for friends or family to stress us out… to finally choose ourselves?
Well, I think it's because we tried in the past and it turned against us.
Know what I’m talking about?
- You were called the "bad guy" when you decided a relationship wasn’t going where you wanted it. You became the bad guy in their narrative. You didn't like how that felt.
- You were called a quitter for no longer wanting to always play the one up competitive game with that friend of yours. You didn't like how that felt.
- You were called too ambitious when you chose Friday nights in over going out OR maybe the opposite... you were called a simpleton because you appreciated a simple life and money/success just wasn't that important to you. You didn't like how that felt.
- You were called lame because you preferred to date one person at a time instead of a roster and your friends said you were prude. You didn't like how that felt.
We’ve all had moments in our pasts where we decided to choose ourselves...
BUT it didn’t feel so great because the narrative quickly turned against you. If you’ve ever broken up with someone, quit a job, prioritized your mental health, your fitness or your alone time... you know what I'm talking about.
The feelings that go along with choosing yourself can make you feel guilty.
So if you were to ask yourself right now... what would your life look like if you decide to choose yourself 24/7?... you'd probably think it's not worth it.
You might think it looks selfish, closed off or savage.
But it truly is not.
Choosing yourself all the time simply requires acceptance that when you do… you’re going to be tempted to think it's not the right move.
- You’re going to be tempted to think that choosing yourself is not worth the cost of losing someone else.
- You’re going to think that being called a b**** is the end of the world.
- You’re going to face the criticism of others and the judgment of yourself.
BUT once you accept that proving your love for yourself sometimes comes at the cost of judgment... life changes for the better.
Because you stop pretending!
- You top pretending that something is good enough for you when it’s really not.
- You stop pretending you like someone or something when you really don’t.
- You stop putting up with good enough - from other people, from your job, from yourself.
- You say how you feel and you don’t hold back because of any potential awkwardness.
Isn't that how life is meant to be lived?! 24/7 choosing yourself?
I sure think so.
Ultimately it’s up to each of us to determine what it means to choose yourselves. I just want to plant this idea in your mind - this question of: what would your life look like if you didn’t treat choosing yourself as a backup plan?
What would your life look like if you didn’t wait to choose yourself as a reaction to someone else NOT choosing yourself?
Choosing yourself 24/7 doesn't mean you're selfish or closed off. You’re just real. You're real with yourself about what makes you truly happy and what doesn’t and you’re real with others about the same.
When you live this way 24/7, there’s no need to wait until life demands you pick up the pieces and finally choose yourself because you’re already building the pieces that make sense for you.