· By Case Kenny
5 signs the breakup was necessary
We overthink breakups... A LOT. It’s human nature to run through the what ifs and to leave that door open to never quite letting go.
BUT as harmless as we might think it is, it really does prevent us from moving on.
So here are 5 signs that will remind you WHY the breakup was necessary so you can move forward with confidence.
1. Did you make excuses for your ex when you were dating?
Do you no longer have to make those excuses? Well... then the breakup was right. You should never have to make excuses for someone’s behavior, dishonesty, mixed signals or lack of commitment.
Did you make excuses for them?
- They’re just so busy… I'll be their priority soon.
- They're still hurt by their ex… that’s why they go hot and cold. They're just hanging onto that pain.
- They lied but they did it to protect me. They didn’t want to hurt me.
You should never have or make excuses for someone.
So ask yourself… did I make excuses for them? Yes?
Well.. there ya go.
2. Would you say you feel a sense of relief and hope?
Quick knee jerk reaction... what does your gut say following the breakup? Would you say it’s one of relief and hope?
Relief that you no longer have to make those excuses? Relief that you no longer have to rationalize anything? Hope that you’re gonna be just fine? Hope that you're excited for what’s to come?
That’s all you need to know.
Your overthinking is trying to distract you. Your overthinking is trying to make you doubt yourself.
But if your soul is relieved and hopeful.... I can’t think of a stronger sign that the break up was necessary.
3. After the breakup do you feel you can finally be honest with yourself?
If you feel a 180 degree change in regards to how you treat yourself and how honest you are with yourself… then the breakup was right.
Now you're honest that it WASN’T working, that it WASN’T right, that you actually deserved more than you were getting, that you were giving him or her more credit than they actually deserved, etc.
If it’s a 180 degree change from how you were in the relationship… then the breakup was right.
That's 180 degrees different from convincing yourself that you were happy when you weren’t, convincing yourself that you were happy with what you were offered, convincing yourself that you were chosen by them when you were the only one doing the choosing.
If you feel that sense of relief because now you can finally be honest with yourself… the breakup was necessary.
4. Do you like yourself better when you were in the relationship or now?
Take them out of the picture for a moment. Do you like the YOU you were while you were with them? Or the YOU after? A relationship is supposed to help you level up.
Your person is supposed to complement who you are. Your partner is supposed to grow you.
But if you find yourself saying the person I am outside of the relationship feels more free, more energetic, more ambitious, more driven, more secure… the breakup was necessary.
Someone isn’t supposed to drain you, make you feel less capable, anxious, etc. Someone's great attributes can’t be at the expense of your opinion of yourself, your mental health or your spiritual well being.
A relationship is supposed to build you up and if you can look at yourself now and say I like the ME I am now more than the me I was in the relationship... the breakup was necessary.
5. Who did all the "changing" in the relationship?
A long lasting relationship requires change. It's healthy.
But think back to the relationship… who was doing all the change?
Was it all you? Did you change aspects of yourself, aspects of your habits, your dreams, your quirks, etc.? Why did you do change?
Did you do it to appease them? To keep things moving forward? To make sure they liked you? Or because you genuinely knew it was right?
Consider them as well. Did they change at all?
I’m not a proponent of keeping score but take a peak at the scoreboard. How many times did YOU change? How times did THEY change? I think you know where I’m going with this.
Change is good. Of course it is. But it has to be for the right reasons.
If you were bullied and pushed to change… the breakup was right.
That's it! 5 signs.
Look back, consider these signs, nod your head, don’t forget the lesson and move forward. I think you’ll be surprised by how much peace can give yourself.