· By Case Kenny
Don't give up on dating
You're someone who genuinely wants connection. You're willing to love, willing to try, willing to be vulnerable and willing to be patient.
BUT sometimes the universe doesn't get that memo and it serves you up a not so delicious cycle of disappointment, frustration, hurt and betrayal.
Almost relationships. Situationships. Ghosted after 2 months. Unfulfilling and short-lived relationships. Bad first date after bad first date.
You’re about to throw in the towel. You’re starting to think maybe you're unlovable.
Not a chance.
Failed love does NOT mean you're unlovable. Not in the slightest. You’re NOT unlovable because of someone else’s inability to love you and you're not unlovable because a relationship fizzles.
Isn’t that all failed love is?
It's either a reflection of someone else - their inability to commit, their inability to balance work and a relationship, their inability to fight temptation, their inability to be honest, etc. OR it's a reflection of lack of compatibility.
Either way... how could that be YOUR fault?
How could that mean YOU’RE unlovable?
Hypothetically if you were to truly believe you're unlovable, that would mean that failed love results in a decrease of your worth, right?
That'd be the logic you'd have to follow for you to be unlovable. BUT how can you possibly say that?
It’s quite literally the opposite.
When someone fails to love you… your worth INCREASES.
Think about what trial and error gets you in life. It gets you MORE. Isn't that the definition of trial and error - to try and fail with the intention of finding a permanent "winning" solution?
That's what dating is about (in a much more emotional and vulnerable manner).
So... how can your willingness to try and fail do anything but increase your worth?
Two analogies for you. FIRST... it’s like the gym.
Sometimes the best workouts are the ones where you purposefully lift to failure. You purposefully work out until you can’t do another rep and you literally fail on the last rep.
THAT is how you build strength - so you can come back harder, lift more, etc.
A failed relationship has to be looked at in the same way. It's a process of intentional and vulnerable trial and error (with the hopes that it's for real).
SECOND... have you ever watched professional baseball and the announcers are talking about a veteran player in the league?
It's his 12th season with the team. What a guy. He puts in the work. He’s a true competitor. BUT he's never won a world series. If there’s anyone here who deserves it... it's him. He's poised to win.
That’s what you hear. You never them say he doesn't deserve to win. You never hear them say he's wasting his time and should just give up. NEVER!
In the same way… failed love is NOT wasted love.
Failed love builds your worth. When things don’t work out with ONE person… all that means is it didn’t work out with ONE person.
It DOESN’T mean it won’t work out with the next person and it doesn't mean you're to blame.
When you realize that... life simply becomes about your willingness to be patient while looking and the time between failed love and final love is simply time where your worth increases.
Even if you're stuck in a pattern of failed love, it's only a pattern until it's no longer a pattern.
And how you break out of a pattern of failed love?
You double down. You love more. You open yourself up to more possibilities.
Amongst the list of things in life you want… wouldn’t you say finding a life-long partner is near the top? You can’t expect that to come easy, right?
If it's going to last a lifetime and change your life... it can't be as easy as one try, two try, three try...
It’s going to require failed love. That's a fact.
When that's your expectation, you quickly realize that failed love does NOT erode your worth.
The people who don't know how to love you simply aren’t for you. The people you don't grow with aren't for you. The people you don't connect with deeply aren't for you.
Each one strengthens your worth. End of story.
Don't give up. Don't blame yourself . Don't think you're unlovable.