· By Case Kenny
Have high standards and no expectations
How often do you find yourself frustrated in life?
Probably quite a bit, right?
- you match with someone a dating app and you're excited... BUT then you meet them and they fall short (very short).
- you get a new job and you can’t wait to start... BUT then you get there and it’s a toxic work culture you realize it was a huge mistake.
- you expect your friends to be there for you and to support you... BUT when they fall short you’re like I have the worst friends in the world. FML.
Simply put... you get frustrated when your expectations aren't met.
So what should you do?
As crazy as it sounds, I recommend replacing the high expectations you have for yourself and the world around you with no expectations at all.
In place of expectations, have high standards.
Your high standards will remind you that you can handle anything and that's way more valuable than having high expectations for outcomes. Your high standards will get you the outcomes you desire.
The moment you realize your worth is not valued, that someone isn’t going to step up, that a certain circumstance is beneath you… you can turn to your standards to redeem yourself. High standards are what redeem you when everything is frustrating and no one is rising to the occasion.
High standards are what rescue you from being tempted to think your life sucks.
- Your standards say you won't continue to hang out with people who disappoint you.
- Your standards say you won't date someone who doesn't choose you.
- Your standards say you leave a job that is toxic.
- Your standards say you find new friends if your old ones don’t grow with you.
High standards > high expectations.
I’m not suggesting you live a life with low expectations. There’s a difference between having low expectations and no expectations.
Having low expectations would mean the bar is so incredibly low that the smallest thing would qualify as “enough” for you. Someone holds the door open for you? You’d fall in love with them. Your job gives you an extra day of PTO? Best job ever!
That’s what would happen when you have low expectations. Nah. None of that.
Simply have no expectations for outcomes.
I know it sounds like you’re accepting defeat but you’re really not. You’re replacing simply high expectations with high standards.
This shift in mindset takes you from hoping, wishing and waiting… to a mindset of whatever happens happens. I'll be fine because I know what I bring to the table and I’ll make the right next move.
Doing this frees you from tying expectations to anyone. You free yourself from attachment to outcomes. You’re not expecting the worst from people or circumstances. You’re simply no longer projecting an expectation. You know what you deserve, what you bring to the table and you welcome new experiences people into your life.
But you view everything through the lens of your standards rather than the lens of high expectations.
There's no disappointment when that’s the case. There's no self blame.
There's no my life sucks, all I get is bad luck, etc.
All there is is knowing that your standards dictate what you do next.
- You hear NO? That’s OK… I'll find a YES.
- Someone lets you down? That’s OK… I'll find someone who won't.
- Your job won’t promote you? That’s OK... I’ll find one that will.
No self blame. Just high standards.
That's how you find peace in life because your standards remind you that you'll always make the right decision because you know what you deserve.