What do you think of your ex? What do you say about them?
The perspective you have of your ex in your head and the words you use to describe them and your former relationship matter!
Because here’s what we do A LOT after we get out of a relationship...
We shame them. We shame ourselves. We let resentment come out in mean, critical and spiteful ways. Plainly said: we sh*t talk.
We see them on social media and we say things like wow they downgraded. I was so much better than their new boyfriend or girlfriend. We stoop low and we say they've really let themselves go. Man! I was such an idiot for dating that loser.
It’s weird to me how normal it is to hate on your ex and to hate on yourself for dating them.
If you want to get to a place where you have closure… the first step is letting go of that grudge. The first step is specifically to no longer sh*t talk them or yourself!
You have to let go.
It takes time to create closure and while you work on that… it’s up to you what your perception of your ex is.
Letting go of that grudge towards your ex is the greatest gift you can give yourself - to no longer have a reason to hate, shame or criticize.
All sh*t talking your ex does is prevent a new beginning. And that’s exactly what you need to find closure!
BUT if you hold onto a grudge and you let it manifest in your words and thoughts... you’re not on chapter 1 of that new beginning yet. You might think you are… but you’re not. You’re still hanging onto that old chapter.
Here’s a tough pill to swallow... As much as it feels like catharsis to sh*t talk and as much as it feels vindicating to push them down a level… you’re only hurting yourself.
Holding onto those negative emotions only serves to hurt you. Seriously. The story you tell yourself and the words you use matter! If you’re telling the universe that you dated a loser, that you wasted your time, that they’re a horrible person… how does that story do anything but punish you?
THAT'S the story you’re telling the universe? You dated a loser? You’re a loser for dating a loser?
What is the universe supposed to do with that story?
If you’re telling the universe about all the BS you’ve been through, about all the boundaries that were broken, the ways you were hurt, the reasons you hate your ex, the reasons you were such an idiot… THAT is what you’re going to get dished up again and again.
If you’re basically sh*t talking your ex to the universe, you’re not going to be led to the things you actually want. You’re gonna find more BS!
You learned a lot from your ex, right? You learned what you don’t want and what’s not right for you, right?
What’s the flip side of those things? You learned what you do want! You want, you deserve mutual respect, compassion, boundaries, support, commitment and communication.
So tell the universe THOSE things!
Let go of that grudge. Let go of that resentment! Stop sh*t talking! It’s only holding you back.
Don't hold onto that resentment. It only serves you punish you. True closure comes with time… but until then, can you make a decision to find peace with your perception of your ex?
Can you move yourself to be able to look at them on Instagram and just take a deep breath and be at peace? Can you do that?
The moment you make peace with yourself and your ex in your head… you will feel lighter. I guarantee you that. You will realize that letting go of a grudge is the first step in taking back your power.
It’s the first step towards regaining control of your heart so you can point it in a more fulfilling and compassionate direction… and with that comes closure.