· By Case Kenny
How to respond to someone's hot and cold behavior
What should you do if you’re on the receiving end of someone's hot and cold behavior?
Shift your focus from wondering how they see you back to how YOU see you.
Shift your focus from hoping they see something in you again or wondering if you did something wrong... back to you.
When someone acts hot and cold we tend to wonder if we did something wrong, if we didn't bring our A game, if we weren't enough, funny enough, attractive enough, valuable enough, etc.
We start to run wild with thoughts like maybe they didn't think I was enough for them, maybe they weren't attracted to me, etc.
When that's the place we go to it’s no wonder we let hot and cold behavior get to us. We let it make us self conscious and we doubt ourselves..
So how do we shift our focus from them back to us?
Let's get practical. Let's understand that we’re human and we’re naturally going to wonder, we're going to play the what ifs and we're going to do a little human song and dance before we finally get to a place of self compassion.
Embrace that. If they're hot and cold with you, if they're making excuses about
why they can't meet up, if they’ve stopped asking questions about you and trying to get to know you... you know exactly what they think of you.
- They think you’ll just wait around until they come back around.
- They think you're the kind of person who is OK with that kind of behavior.
- They think you have nothing else going on in your life and you’ll just be there waiting.
Oh heck no!
That’s how I reframe my thought process.
You're not reframing it to be you vs. them. You’re not making them the villain but you’re tapping into your humanness to fire yourself up and give yourself some incentive to look back to you instead of them.
Ultimately it doesn’t matter why they're acting cold.
All that matters is that YOU find a way to pivot away from wondering how they see you… to how you see you.
THAT is how you take back your power.
Your attention is no longer theirs to have. Your energy is no longer theirs to have.
When that's your mentality...
- YOU don’t get drawn into drama that doesn't deserve your energy.
- YOU don’t give someone more of what they already don’t appreciate.
- YOU don’t wait around for people who are unsure of you.
If someone else wants to string you along, play hot and cold… nope!
You're done! Your standard kicks in and you say I'm not gonna wonder what they think of me… I know what I think of me.
Even if you sometimes struggle to hold yourself in high esteem, put your focus back on you.
Remember the standards you’ve developed for yourself. Remember the boundaries you’ve told yourself you’d live by.
You don't remember those things when you’re focused on them. You remember your standard and what you said you’d do the next time someone was unsure about by shifting your focus from them back to you.
That's how you deal with hot and cold behavior. That's how you stop giving someone more of what they don’t appreciate. That's how you take back your power.