By Case Kenny

Should you date to marry?

Should you date for marriage?

Sure... ultimately the point of dating (if you believe in monogamy) is to find someone to spend forever with.

BUT I don't think approaching dating with that specific goal in mind is very compassionate or fair to you... and it's same with the other big vision goals you have in your life.

We need to take back our power from trying to BE a certain way and GET certain outcomes and instead just focus on doing the things that will ultimately make us that way and deliver those outcomes.

Take marriage, for instance.

You can still operate from a place of "is this a yes or a no?" You can still date with intention and focus because you want something forever.

But switch your mentality and you’ll find yourself dating in a way that is unforced and frankly more enjoyable.

Yes… have an outcome in mind… absolutely.

Say I’m at a point in my life where I want to settle down. But I think a rewarding, compassionate and most importantly an enjoyable life is one that is lived free of the pressure WE put on yourselves to have certain things and be a certain way.

- Instead of saying I am dating for marriagesay I am dating to find someone who understands me. I am dating to find someone who chooses me in the same way I choose them. I am dating to find someone I’m excited to live my life with.

- Instead of saying I want to be wealthysay I wake up each day and I work my hardest, I think creatively and I’m willing to shoot my shot. I’m consistent, I don't give up.

Ultimately THOSE things will deliver the outcome you want.

And perhaps in a shorter time frame because that big outcome you want and that big way you want to feel… it’s built on the smaller things.

Yes, date for marriage… but the mentality, the focus and the compassion is on the small things. Date to find someone who understands you. Date to find someone who compliments you. Who balances you. Who challenges you.

Wouldn’t you say THAT person is the person you’d ideally marry?

Wouldn't you say that focusing on the individual things will lead you to avoid settling and avoid dismissing red flags? I sure think so.

So why not focus there since that will give you the big outcome you want? … and don’t you think that sounds more enjoyable?

That sounds like a life you enjoy and where you get what you want.

That sounds like a life you enjoy because you’re focused on the little things that YOU can control. Your mentality in the present is what makes life enjoyable.

A mentality that focuses on the things you can control today… that is what makes life enjoyable.