· By Case Kenny
Men only want one thing...
What do men want?
Specifically, what do men want in a relationship?
Let's start with a thread I found on Reddit title: "Women, what do you think men want from you?"
Here are some of the answers I saw repeated the most.
Sex, companionship, sense of humor.
Clear communication, frequent affirmations, honesty, affection, trustworthiness, and blowjobs. Sex, availability, and pleasing.
Sex, compliments, encouragement and support.
Good sex. Good cuddles. Laughs. A shoulder when needed. A confidant.
What struck me is the assumption that sex is what men want in a relationship. It was top of the answer for the majority of the answers.
But I don’t think that's true. Women want sex just as much as men. ALL men aren’t sex crazed creatures.
The fact that so many woman assume that men are in relationship solely for sex is sad to me. It’s sad that some experiences have led women to this and then that this idea has permeated culture.
And it’s sad because of what it leads to - women thinking that is what they have to offer, and that a relationship is an exchange of sex for loyalty or sex for some value.
What do men want in a relationship?
Men want the same things as women. In the confines of a relationship, men want the same things as women.
Men want compassion, loyalty, honesty, communication, and dependability.
Sure, maybe there’s a certain draw that men have initially towards the physical. I can give that one. BUT when it comes to a relationship… men want the same things as women.
But gender norms when it comes to relationships are so outdated and there’s this overwhelming assumption that SEX is why men are in a relationship. And that THAT is what women have to offer. That a relationship is an exchange. Sex for commitment.
There have been a lot of studies around biology, conditioning and the differences between sexes, and I’m not smart enough to say what’s right and what’s wrong I don’t.
But I do know that it serves no one to assume that men are in relationships for significantly different reasons than women.
I do know that outside of some primal urges and conditioning, and immaturity… men want the same things as women.
Why don’t we highlight that? Why can’t that be the story we tell ourselves?
Why can’t that be what we’re looking for? A value exchange of the same things - loyalty, honesty, presence instead of the same cliche story - her looks for his loyalty, her looks for security and commitment?
Why can’t we tell ourselves new story? One that represents what we want and what is entirely available to us?
Men want the same things that women want and it kinda changes our perspective when we embrace that.
Certainly, stay aware and safe because there are men who just want you for sex... But once you embrace this fact, it changes things. You’re no longer there to offer them sex. It’s not an exchange. Your sex for their loyalty. Your sex for their presence.
That is such a backwards mindset and unfortunately I see a lot of young women in that mindset that they use sex as the thing they have to offer in the hopes that it does the trick.
Men want sex. Women want sex. So let’s just assume those things cancel each other out.
What are we left with?
Care, compassion, loyalty, trust, communication, responsibility, dependability, etc.
You can take my word from it or not but I just want you to consider the assumptions we’ve been told are true. I want you to consider the divide that we love to put up between men and women.
What if it’s not true? What if it’s not true that women want X and men want Y?
How would it change things to say men and women want the same things? How would it change your perspective and outlook on life to say men want love and respect.
Men want conversation, a sense of humor, sharing new experiences, a travel partner...
Yes, certainly there are differences between men and women, wiring, testosterone, etc... BUT all men are not the same just as all women are not the same.
Women, there are men out there who want what you want and dare I say they want exactly what you want. You’re not asking for too much when you say YOU want those things and you’re not crazy for expecting it in someone else. They exist.
Practically maybe they exist where you haven’t been looking? Maybe you’ve had a bad batch. Life does that. Life is random like that… but can we hit reset?
Can we hit reset and stop assuming the differences between men and women are in the way of what we deserve? Can we hit reset and stop concluding that one or two or heck ten people we’ve come across that affirm the cliche mean it’s true? How would that change things?
I think it would remove the "men vs. women" mentality.
It would remove the mentality that women need to convince a man to settle down and delete their roster. It would remove the mentality that men are from Mars and women from Venus. Yes, men and women are different. Biologically, culturally, conditioning.
Yes. I am not denying that. The difference between genders are frankly what makes them attractive to each other… but this isn’t about that. This is about the assumptions we make when it comes to what we can offer each other.
We can offer each other the same things that go beyond sex. The same things that we both want.
And if that’s true, how would that change your outlook on what’s possible and what you deserve?