· By Case Kenny
Perfect love for imperfect people
I say this in the most hopeful, optimistic way possible... you’re not going to find someone who is PERFECT.
You're not going to find someone who is a 10/10, close with their family, a world class athlete, excelling in their career, is funny and witty, well educated, and comes from a good family, is Presbyterian, likes to travel, is really into folk indie music, is left handed and shares your same taste in late 80s Rom Coms.
You're not going to find a "prefect person" - someone who is every single thing you imagine makes your ideal partner "perfect."
I’m sorry... you’re not. BUT someone exists who is going to be perfect for how they make you FEEL. I really think you can find a love that is perfect. BUT that person won’t be perfect.
So stop looking for a perfect person! Everyone is flawed. No one is going to be the exact combination of perfection you’re looking for. We need to strip ourselves of dating with perfect expectations.
I’m talking about those silly reasons we ditch potential with someone without giving it much thought.
- She said she's never had a relationship longer than 2 months. Cya
- He's not that close with his mom. Later bro.
- She’s only a barista... no career aspirations... nah.
- He doesn’t text me little cute good mornings or surprise me with presents. Bye.
- He’s not that romantic. I want flowers and chocolates. Later, dude.
We think like that because we believe there is a perfect person out there who is all of those things at once and it’s those combination of things that makes them perfect for us.
That combination of things is NOT what makes them perfect.
How they make you feel is what makes an imperfect person perfect!
Do they make you feel safe? Inspired? Compassionate? Do they make you see potential in yourself that you never saw before? Do they make you see the world around you differently? Do they support you and believe in you like no one had ever before?
THAT is what makes someone a soulmate.
That is what makes love perfect. The person themselves is going to be flawed. You’re flawed. They’re going to come up short on your list of perfect things. You’re going to come up short on THEIR list of perfect things.
That’s because there is no perfect person. Someone becomes perfect to you because of how they make you feel but if you’re only giving people a chance who are perfect based on some silly grading or list… you're not going to get to that stage.
Sooooooo I think we need to stop with this rhetoric of "I’m going to stay single until I find the perfect person."
There is no perfect person BUT there is a person who is going to make you feel a perfect kind of way and THAT is what makes them your soulmate.
How someone makes you feel is what makes them perfect. Not the other way around.
- A 5/10 who makes you feel an incredible way is so much more your person than a bangin' 10/10 who is meh in the feelings department.
- Someone who makes you feel incredibly loved and appreciated is so much more your person than a social butterfly with amazing friends, family and career.
- Someone who makes you feel supported in a way you’ve never felt before is so much more your person than someone who sends you flowers and chocolates every day and you're their "Woman Crush Wednesday."
We need to grow up. We need to level up. We need to evolve. We need to determine what "feeling" it is we're looking for. When you find it... it makes an imperfect person perfect.
That person makes you feel a perfect way and you make them feel a perfect way and you’re both OK with the fact that you don't both check all the other boxes.
- She wanted someone who is super clean and dresses well... but he’s kinda messy and he wears the same thing every day. BUT he makes her feel safe and that she can finally love herself in a way she never thought she could.
- He wanted a girly girly who cooks... but she is laid back, kinda a tomboy and is a wreck in the kitchen. BUT she makes him feel so loved in a way he has never felt before. He feels supported and appreciated for once in his life. He feels he can be vulnerable and real.
THAT is a perfect love for an imperfect person.
When you approach love, dating, relationships this way… you take all the BS away. You take away the BS of leagues and lists and expectations. You no longer look for the perfect person. When someone makes you feel a certain way… you just get it.
A soulmate is someone who awakens your soul and you them.
It is an awakening. It is a sudden maturing. It is a moment where you drop your guard and your ego. You set aside your preconceived notions and assumptions.
A soulmate is someone who awakens your soul, expands the way you see yourself, the way you love yourself and the world around you. THAT is what a soulmate does... and from THAT awakening that person will be perfect to you.
Determining if someone is your soulmate doesn’t start with all that superficial nonsense you've been going off of. Yes, it’s important… but I really think the most important thing is how they make you feel… and we should really consider that more often.
So ask yourself: are you looking for a perfect person or are you looking for someone who will make you feel a perfect way?