Stop trying to fix yourself

If you listen to my pod, you know I’m all for improving yourself. I’m all for self-growth. I believe we are all fully capable of doing better and becoming more.

But far too often we think we need to “fix ourselves” and pieces of our lives.

Know this: there’s a difference between wanting to do better and feeling that you need to “fix yourself.”

Far too often we confuse the two and we end up thinking we’re broken, busted and in need of fixing.

We end up thinking we need to fix our bodies, our personalities, our bank accounts, our drive and so on and so forth. Fix this, fix that. It’s like you’re some kind of a handyman all of a sudden!.

But that thinking is flawed. There’s nothing to fix!

Fix (verb): to make firm, stable or final.

I hate to break it to you my friend, but very little is final in life.

Look at me! I went from only listening to Creed, working at a law firm and wearing two popped collars 10 years ago to where I am today.

Your tastes change, your body changes, your relationships change, your mindset changes. Things change. BIG TIME.

To think you need to “fix yourself” and make your body, personality or bank account into some ultimate worthy form is a ludicrous thought.

You’re setting yourself up for failure!

When you think you need to “fix” elements of yourself and your life, you end up in “fix it” limbo - hopping from one “fix it” project to the next.

  • I need to fix my body.
  • I need to fix my appearance.
  • I need to fix my career.
  • I need to fix my singleness.
  • I need to fix my confidence/self esteem.

Bad news: When you’re in “fix it” limbo, you’ve created a before and after picture of yourself and in your mind the after picture is where all your life’s goodness is waiting for you. You assume that once you check that list and wrap up all those fix it projects, you can finally breathe a sigh of relief and grab all the goodness you’ve earned and made final.

More bad news: once you get stuck in “fix it limbo,” you’re staying. There will always be another project or element of your life you think you need to fix. Thinking you need to fix yourself effectively distracts you from a powerful realization.

A happy life comes from the following equation.

(Radical Self Acceptance) + (Hunger) = Worth.

Radical self acceptance: I deserve good things as I am today. I deserve good things as THIS version of myself.

Hunger: I am capable of growing. I am capable of doing better.

Worth: I am worthy of goodness today.

Nowhere in that equation does anything need to be fixed. You show up TODAY as you are TODAY with what you have TODAY and the baggage you have TODAY. You push yourself to grow and take steps forward. You find your worth in everything you do - big or small - TODAY.

There is no before and after picture of yourself. You might not be the best version of yourself just yet but please drop the notion that you’re broken and need to fix yourself to find your life’s goodness.

Relax, my friend! There’s no pressure.

Drop the notion that there is some “future you” that represents all the things you want from yourself and is a worthy version of who you are. That’s not realistic.

Show up today, love yourself today, know your worth today and work hard to prove it today.

No fixing necessary. Because you’re not broken!

As long as you get out of bed each morning, as long as you survive your toughest days, as long as you learn from heartbreak… you are not broken. You are breaking through.