· By Case Kenny
The biggest dating red flag
In dating there are two kinds of red flags.
There are overt red flags - the ridiculous things that someone says or does that we know are wrong and are warning signs of more to come.
It’s easy to put a boundary in place for the overt red flags we see. If someone says something shocking or disrespectful we are all fully equipped to recognize it and say "bye."
Then there are passive red flags that we tend to overlook or give too much patience to.
We give too much tolerance and patience to the passive red flags in our dating lives.
The biggest passive red flag of all is someone dating without purpose.
That's someone dating without a "why." and without a compass pointing them in a specific direction.
Someone who dates without a "why" isn't a bad person but it makes dating for someone like you very frustrating because you're on two different pages. And you can't be on two different pages in dating.
How much are you willing to put up with a lack of until you say I need more?
That is a question only you can answer for yourself. You are in control of what you put up with and you are in control of deciding if you’re on the same page or not.
Ultimately THAT is what dating is about and that is what you need to look at early on.
Are you on the same page? Are your WHYs the same?
If the answer is NO it’s time to move on. If the answer is you don't know… you need to push to get clarity quickly.
Why are we so hesitant to ensure we're on the same page with the people we date?
Easy answer: we don't want to seem too needy. We don't want to "scare" them off."
But no more.
We all need to establish a strong boundary and always make sure we're both on the same page as the person we're considering dating. You shouldn’t move forward until you have an answer to that question: are we on the same page?
You ask for clarity in every other area of life but for some reason when it comes to dating we’d rather wait to find out. We’d rather hope they will tell us their intention.
It's time we stop avoiding the ONE thing that can solve so many of our problems in dating.
Are you on the same page?
If YOU know what page you’re on - you know why you’re dating - there is absolutely nothing wrong with expecting someone else to know why they're dating as well.
I struggle to see how a relationship will work if the WHYs are not the same.
A why is as simple as I'm looking for something casual or I'm looking for something serious.
If you’re dating because you want to find someone who understands you and supports you and is serious about being committed and creating a life together ... that’s great.
But if they just want something casual, if they have no idea why they’re dating, if they just want friends with benefits… how do you expect your "why" and their "why" to align?
Too often we just hope they'll change, they'll come around or you’ll change them.
You need to respect the page you're on TODAY.
If it's not the page they're on, there's nothing wrong with moving along.
You're not saying you need someone with the same love language, past, values, attraction, etc. That comes later. Attraction and compatibility comes next.
Do you have the same "dating why?" Do you have the same intention? Are you on the same page?
That is a page where you KNOW their intention and you see reciprocity and effort as a result. That's it. The actual compatibility and attraction comes next… but it doesn't matter if you’re not on the same page.
You deserve to be on the same page.
Despite your dating history I can tell you that there are so many people out there who are on the same page as you.
You just need to have a strong standard for yourself that pushes you to figure that out sooner rather than later.