Does this sound familiar?
You meet someone, you get along, you click, things are looking great, they're eager... and then seemingly out of the blue they push you away.
They give you some BS line about not being ready, needing to figure out what they want, needing to love themselves, etc. It's a complete 180 from what they said or how they acted previously.
That leaves you thinking uh…. Wtf. Where is this coming from? Was it something I did? What happened?
Why do people push away?
As tempting as it is to either think it’s your fault or to think all people are just dishonest liars... the majority of times someone pushes you away has little do to do with you AND little to do with the relationship itself.
It’s a symptom of THEIR baggage, THEIR lack of healing or THEIR lack of closure from something in their past.
More specifically, people push other people away in order to protect themselves.
Certainly there are instances where people push people away in order to live out their selfish habits, choose someone else, etc.
BUT I’ve honestly found that those instances are much less prevalent than the REAL reason.
People push you away to protect themselves.
People push you away because it’s the only way they know how to do that - by being alone. You can’t be hurt, you can be broken, you can’t be disappointed, you can't be held responsible, you don’t have to be vulnerable if you’re alone, right?
Sometimes the simple reality of life is that people push people away, people refuse to let love in, people refuse to give love - even if they actually want it - because they’re scared.
People are afraid of the investment required of them. People are afraid of what it might become. People are afraid of commitment and realness. Even if they genuinely want it... some people simply aren't ready to prove it.
Someone pushing you away is them giving up on what might be great in favor of what is comfortable. When you recognize that, you realize there’s no need to blame yourself and there’s no need to try to find a flaw in the relationship you had while you had it.
There’s just the fact that some people aren’t ready and that's not because of YOU.
End of story.
Self preservation is THEIR choice. Someone saying one thing but then ultimately deciding they’d rather protect themselves than risk it… that’s all you need to know about them.
People push people away because of their own uncertainties. People push people away because of their own unhealed pasts. People push people away because of their own self doubt.
There's nothing in that about you. That’s about them. Their hesitation and their retreat is because of them. You’re not flawed.
What you brought to the table wasn’t flawed. The potential you had wasn’t flawed.
There's simply the realization that some people would rather choose comfort over potential.
Some people don't want to risk being hurt. And so they retreat to their safe space - that's a space where they’re no longer responsible for upholding their promises, for delivering on potential and for going all in.
You can be angry with them. Disappointed. Frustrated.
But please don't blame yourself.
People push people away to protect themselves. How could someone like that be for you?
They're not. It says everything about them and nothing about you.