How do you react to rejection? How do you react to NO? How do you react to realizing that someone or something is not as compatible with you as you once thought?
How do you react to needing to detach from that person or thing?
I call this your "detachment" style.
How do you detach from someone who disappoints you?
How do you detach from someone you saw a lot of potential with but after 5 dates they decide they aren't ready for a relationship?
How do you detach from a relationship where you realize you're settling?
How do you detach from what you thought was your dream job, a bad friend, etc.?
In my mind there are TWO detachment styles...
The first one is what I called the blame detachment style.
You blame your ex for not rising to the occasion. You blame them for not trying, for not changing, for not being loyal, for not being honest, etc. You blame your boss for not seeing your worth, your talent, your potential, etc.
Blame. Anger. Frustration. Resentment. Spite.
What a loser! Why are they even on this dating app if they're not looking for a relationship?!
Idiot manager… all they do is boss me around.
We use those negative feelings to propel ourselves to detach.
And then there's detachment style 2.
Detachment style 2 is the opposite of blame.
It’s a graceful way of detachment where instead of using blame as fuel, you use self respect to detach from a place of power.
I call it grace.
It's grace that’s defined by the realization that life is 100% going to be filled with soooo many instances where we NEED to walk away.
And doing that doesn't mean you’re weak, it doesn’t mean you’re giving up and it doesn’t mean you’re lost. It simply means you're taking your power back.
Consider why we turn to anger and blame in the first place. If you’re angry with THEM, if THEY didn’t deliver, if THEY are idiots, if THEY are the bad guy… then that can’t mean you’re weak. It’s their fault!
But that is short sided and it only serves to fill your heart with those very same emotions. That is not a peaceful way to live and most of all it's not a place of leverage because it takes your power away even more.
Grace detachment style is all about YOU.
It's about taking your power back. It's about why YOU are letting go.
It's not about giving them more energy or more attention. It's not about them.
It's about YOU. It's about what YOU gained from that experienced. It's about the new standard YOU created. It's about how YOU leveled up.
Instead of being angry or blaming them (even though they very well might deserve it), you say ok, I might not want to detach but I need to and here’s what it taught me. Here's my new higher standard. Here's me leveling up.
That is power. That is leverage.
In the face of something that is hurtful - being overlooked, hurt, abandoned, rejected, etc. - realize that blame won't give you inner peace because it gives power to them.
Detachment should be all about you!
... and choosing grace is what refocuses you back to yourself.
Grace takes that blame and turns it into power.
It’s you saying yes, the obvious answer is that THEY fell short… but my energy is better used by saying here is my higher standard, here is my resolve and here is my self respect.
That is where your energy is best spent. It’s not best spent with anger and blame and angry late night texts.
Don’t make it more about them by responding with blame or anger.
Reclaim your energy by detaching with grace.
Reclaim your energy by detaching with power.
If life is filled with detachment (which is it) and if every time you detach from a place of grace you take back your power.... well, holy s***! You’re going to be unstoppable!
You're going to be operating from a place of absolute inner peace because it's about you... not them.
I hope you choose to detach from a place of power.