· By Case Kenny
What to think when your ex moves on...
How should you react to seeing Mr./Mrs. "I’m not looking for a relationship right now" turn around and get into a relationship with someone else?
How should you react to seeing your situationship or almost relationship end and then they hop into a serious committed relationship with someone else?
Seeing an ex or someone you care about with someone else really opens the door to overthinking.
WTF?! I wasn't good enough for them... but that new person is?
Maybe I should've done something different?
What is wrong with me that it didn't work but they found someone else so fast?
First things first, know this...
Whatever the reason was that your relationship didn’t work out, that "stuff" doesn't just disappear overnight.
Someone who hops from a relationship with you right into another is followed by their issues.
Sure, there’s the off-chance they met that one person who changed them in the blink of an eye but more than likely their baggage is still there, they haven't changed and their issues are still their issues.
So don’t go to a place of "Why couldn’t they have changed for me? I wasn’t enough for them to want more?"
Don’t go there because that probably isn't true. They probably haven't changed.
When it comes to looking back at a relationship, we need to look at the FACTS.
As hard as it might be... seeing your ex move on is a fact.
We needs to look to that fact in order to inform what I call our "yes, no, maybe list."
The "yes, no, maybe list" is what either propels you towards the next level of YOU or keeps you in place wondering, doubting and playing the 'what ifs.' Yes, no, maybe.
It’s a list where you try your best with honesty and vulnerability to assign people to those categories.
The YES category is reserved for someone who is a clear yes to you.
That’s for the person you’ve raised your standard for, who you don’t have to chase, who who sees you, understands you and vis versa. Then there’s the maybe category.
Maybe is the main category in dating and it’s your job to move people as quickly as possible out of maybe into the YES or NO category.
Maybe is reserved for early on in dating when you’re feeling someone out and you’re judging compatibility and connection. It’s up to you to move them to YES or NO.
The NO category is reserved for the NOs in your dating life.
There are NOs that YOU decide quickly when you sense lack of compatibility. Then there's the NOs that are shown to you. These are the NOs you might be resistant to or the NOs you frankly want to be YES.
When it comes to seeing an ex move on, what more of a sign do you need to finally move them from maybe to no?
We need to clean up our 'maybe' lists.
We need to put our foot down and decide a fact is a fact.
They've moved on, they changed their mind, they found someone else. That is a fact and it's time that fact became a NO for you.
A 'maybe' is you hanging onto what could’ve been. A 'maybe' is you hanging onto something that didn't reach potential. A 'maybe' is you hanging onto something that needed change to work.
You can’t force compatibility. You can’t force connection. You can’t force change.
Look to the signs and assign accordingly.
- Seeing them with someone else? That gotta be a NO.
- Seeing them suddenly change their mind for someone else? That’s gotta be a NO. - Seeing them leave, come back, leave, come back? That’s gotta be a NO.
Those are signs!
It’s a sign to stop chasing. It's a sign stop chasing potential. It's a sign to stop chasing something that came to an end for any reason.
Look to the facts.
You deserve a maybe that turns to a yes because their actions and words align. You deserve potential that doesn't just remain potential. You deserve a YES because you're both on the same page.