· By Case Kenny
When you don't want to start over...
The other day on I saw a Tiktok where a woman simply said: "I am sick of the dating stages and wanna skip straight to marriage."
As an incredibly impatient person myself I get the temptation to be like "I wanna skip the BS and get to the place I want and the outcomes I want. I don't want to wait in line again, I want to skip to the front. I’ve been waiting long enough. I’ve been going through the motions for years. I don't need any more lessons haha I already have my phd."
I get that!
But I scrolled through the comments and I saw a perspective I LOVE.
Someone commented: "you should try to enjoy every moment of every stage. It gets better because of the past not despite it" It gets better because of the past not despite it…
The CONTRAST in life is what makes that thing you want so special and rewarding once you have it.
How can we find the energy to try again even if it’s for the 50th time? How can we actually live with hope and optimism even if we feel beat up and the last thing we want to do is try again?
Let's try our best to realize that life gets better because of the past not despite it.
Life gets better because of contrast.
In the instance of the women in this Tiktok, she wants to finally have her soulmate, right?
Well, let’s be honest. If she skipped all the BS, if she skipped all the bad first dates, all the 5 month long relationships that never made it and the brutal long term breakups along the way… would the outcome of finally having her soulmate be as rewarding?
I don't think so...
What makes finally finding your soulmate and being comforted by the permanence and compatibility of that person is the contrast from your past.
The impermanence and lack of compatibility in former relationships is what makes your soulmate rewarding.
Contrast is what makes the things we want so rewarding once we have them.
In fact, contrast is the catalyst for actually helping us define the things we want in the first place.
We want a partner who has a sense of humor… because we’ve experienced someone who doesn't. Contrast.
We want a person who understands us… because we’ve experienced someone who doesn't. Contrast.
Of course we all have baked in ideals of what we fundamentally want. But those are all theory until we’ve lived the opposite.
There's power in contrast.
It doesn't make frustration, heartbreak or lack of fulfillment any less draining but it reminds you that the outcome you seek is the outcome you seek because of that contrast.
Life gets better because of past contrast not despite it.
Past contrast is what makes the things we’re working towards so rewarding, and worth the wait.
What makes something worth the wait?
Well, it’s the fact that ideally once you have that thing, it’s forever AND it's the best version of the thing you can possibly imagine.
Well what makes it forever? What makes it the best version of that thing you can imagine?
The times where it wasn’t forever... the times where it very clearly wasn’t the best version...
The next time you’re presented with a frustrating outcome where you've gotta pick it all up and start over again... consider the value of the contrast you’ve been presented with.
Can you look at it and say "this is going to make the moment I get that thing so much more rewarding?"
Can you look at it and say "this contrast further solidifies what I know to be true and what I deserve?"
Can you believe that life gets better because of the past not despite it?
Can you find the upside in the contrast in life? Can you push yourself to see what contrast offers you?
Can you push yourself to see that life gets better because of the contrast not despite it?
THAT contrast is what makes the thing you want and deserve so rewarding.