I want to remind you that you are never unloveable.
But I don’t want to just repeat that over and over and call it a day. That's a short lived reminder.
WHY are you never unlovable?!
You never truly change in life unless you know WHY you need to change. You never truly live your truth unless you know WHY it’s your truth. You never truly create a higher standard for yourself unless you know WHY you need it.
When we know WHY we're always worthy of love... then we become unstoppable.
You’re lovable because of your effort and your willingness to love.
THAT is what makes you lovable.
Your effort. Your actions. Your willingness.
If you’re willing to love, if you’re willing to sacrifice, if you’re willing to be honest, if you’re willing to be selfless… you are lovable.
Your willingness to do those things - regardless of the outcome - is what makes you worthy.
An outcome doesn't change that inherent worth. Another person doesn’t change that inherent worth. An insecurity doesn't change that inherent worth. End of story.
Anytime you feel unlovable, ask yourself what am I willing to do?
Are you willing to be honest, open, genuine, vulnerable, selfless, etc.? Yes?
Then you are never unlovable. Nothing cancels that out.
Feeling unlovable is an inside job.
It’s because of the narrative we allow ourselves to repeat.
I’ve loved people who weren’t willing to love me. I’ve chosen people who didn’t choose me. I’ve been single forever. I was the reason my last relationship ended. I’m always the one who loves more or cares more. I get attached too easily. Why would someone like me? I don’t even like me?
We repeat narratives like that and it‘s no wonder the conclusion we arrive at is we’re unlovable.
Adjectives don’t cancel out your worth. Insecure, lost, awkward, attached, guilty…
Past outcomes don’t cancel out your worth. Failed relationships, rejection, a breakup...
The only thing that could possibly cancel out worth is a lack of willingness to do the things you say you want someone else to do.
I know you're willing to do those things!. So stop beating yourself up with a narrative that has nothing to do with worth.
No one else sees you like you see you.
As the main character in your life you are hyper aware of every misstep you’ve ever taken. But you are the only person keeping score. You are the only one who has a highlight reel of all your failed relationships. You are the only one who plays it over and over again.
You are the only one who keeps manufacturing proof that you’re too much or too little. Only you can take your worth from you.
As long as you’re willing to do the things you say you want… you are lovable.
Your worth is based on your willingness and your follow through.
It's based on things that are only dependent on YOU. Your kindness is your kindness. Your vulnerability is your vulnerability. Your honesty is your honesty.
- You're gonna let Chad who ghosted you make you think your kindness is for nothing and you’re unlovable?!? Oh heck no!
- You're gonna let Jessica who told you you look better in your Hinge profile than in person make you think your honesty is for nothing?!? Oh heck no!
The next time you feel that inside job happening again… ask yourself where is this coming from?
You might say it’s coming from your last relationship. It’s coming from your poor taste in a partner. It’s coming from bad judgment. It’s coming from feeling insecure.
Now ask yourself does a past negative outcome, a human insecurity or self doubt cancel out what you’re willing to do?
Does it cancel out your kindness, your vulnerability, your willingness to try, etc.
No it does not!
Do not allow those kinds of thoughts to exist rent free in your head. Don't allow your past mistakes to cast doubt on your future worth.
You know WHY you’re lovable.
You know your willingness and follow through is everything. No one can take that from you.
Keep telling yourself just how worthy and lovable you are and watch it come true in magical ways.