You're NOT too picky...

You're NOT too picky...

Quick story to start...

One of my friends told me a story the other day about how when he lived in New York a couple years back he asked a girl out by saying "we should go on a date on Saturday" and she laughed in his face. She said: "Saturday? Hot chicks don’t give up a good Saturday."

Hot chicks don’t give up a good Saturday...

Hold your judgment of that statement (and referring to yourself as a hot chick) for a minute...

She explained that she didn’t go on first dates on weekends because weekends were for HER things - her friends and her priorities. She explained she wanted to make the most of New York City and was saving her weekends for the things she really cared about… until someone proved they were worthy of a Saturday.

I actually really like the sentiment behind this. That’s a sentiment that says "here is a specific standard I have and I’m NOT wavering from it."

You are a literal or metaphorical hot chick and you should have a standard you refuse to budge on.

We all know we should have standards (duh), but consider how life goes...

We have a standard, it’s not met and time moves forward. You go on another bad date, bad date, bad date… and you start to doubt yourself. You start to get lonely.

And then you start making concessions...

Well, he’s 6’2 soooo.

But he knows how to cook… soooo.

Ya but she's super hot... soooo.

We start to let go of our standard in favor of excuses or making room for things that don’t fit that standard.

It’s NOT picky to have a standard and refuse to waver from it.

No "BUTS!" None of that!

There’s a time in life for having fun and saying "f*** it" but right now there's just you and your standard. If that standard is you honoring yourself and your weekends… that's great.

What is your standard?

Is it that you’re only dating someone who’s serious about a relationship? OK.

Is it that you’re only dating someone who wants kids? OK.

Is it that you’re single for the summer? OK

What is YOUR standard?

I've talked before about the difference between being picky and having a high standard...

Being picky is version 1.0 of who you are. It’s the old version of you. It's where you would say "I know I deserve more and better. I’m not quite sure what that is specifically but I’ll know when I find it."

When you're picky you don't know exactly what you want and deserve but you know you should have high standards.

Having a high standard is version 2.0 of who you are.

It means your standards come from experience. It's why you can say "I’ve experienced bullsh*t to know the red flags, to know how I don't want to feel and to know what I want. I have proof of what I deserve. I have proof of WHY my standard is high."

It means you’ve lived through the opposite of what you deserve and you’re now rooted in never settling for less.

So to find your standard… ask yourself if there's something in your past that taught you to have a higher standard?

Yes? There's an ex, a toxic relationship or an experience that taught you why you should have a higher standard?

That is your standard and past experience is what creates it…

Turn to your past and ask yourself… what have I learned?

Maybe it’s that you’re not ready for a relationship and so your standard is you’re just gonna have fun.

Maybe it’s something specific about love languages or communication styles.

Maybe it’s something about values or views on life. That's up to you.

The moment you create a standard and it’s from experience… that removes the possibility you’re too picky. End of story.

That is your standard…

That is your “hot chicks don't give away a good Saturday” standard.