· By Case Kenny
You've been ghosted... now what?
You've been ghosted… now what?
What should you do? What should your resolve be? Should you be angry? Should you have a vendetta against that person or anyone who resembles them? Should you call it quits?
Here's what to know...
That person should be embarrassed. Not you.
They should be embarrassed for saying one thing but really wanting another. Or they should be embarrassed for saying one thing then changing their mind... but not having the guts to tell you.
There's no world where YOU should feel embarrassed or guilty.
But our human nature tends to ignore that practical fact in favor of self doubt… Did I do something wrong? Was I not enough?
The reality of being ghosted is more simple than we make it.
If someone doesn’t want to be with you… they’re not right for you.
End of story.
No matter how much you try to rationalize or overthink your role when they ghost you, someone who does that to you DOES NOT want to be with you.
And you don’t want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you, right?
No seriously.... right?
Ask yourself that…
Do I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me?
THAT should be your reaction to being ghosted.
It's ok to feel angry, betrayed or be extra annoyed... but the evidence speaks for itself.
That person is not for you... because they don’t want to be with you.
Yes, it stings to have someone so overtly express that… but I’ll take the sting of THAT realization any day over ambiguity.
Ambiguity is much tougher. Dating an inconsistent person is tough. Dealing with mixed signals is tough. Dealing with someone with confusing love languages or complicated attachment styles is tough. It's tough because it's not clear who's right, who's wrong, what to do, etc.
But in the case of being ghosted there is a clear answer.
They just don't want to be with you. Yes, that hurts but when you have an obvious truth in front of you, you're empowered to act and live with confidence.
There's only one thing to do: move on.
Here's a short mantra I think you should live by following being ghosted.
It borrows from the 5 emotions I think everyone deserves to live by (these are the 5 scents included in the Unbothered Candles collection).
The following is your mantra if you’ve been ghosted.
I am unbothered by someone who doesn’t have the courage to say how they feel.
I am grateful they showed me their true colors today rather than some time down the line.
I am worthy of someone who chooses me in the same way I choose them.
I am hopeful because I know that person exists.
I am self made because I decide how to react to being ghosted - I am self made because my standard is higher and my resolve is stronger than ever before.
The resolve you create for yourself is everything.
I hope your resolve is one where you love yourself even more, you respect yourself even more, you raise your standard even higher and you become more unbothered by that kind of flawed behavior.
I hope you love yourself more because you know what you’re worthy of, you’re grateful that person showed you who they really are, you’re hopeful and optimistic for your future and most of all... you’re self made by that experience because YOU decide what to do next.