Are they capable of loving you?

I want to tackle a big question:

Is this person I’m dating or considering dating capable of loving me?

It’s probably the most relevant question in today’s dating climate.

- That’s a climate where a lot of people are dating without a clear reason, swiping just to swipe and dating just to date.

- That’s a climate where people say they want one thing but really don’t mean it.

- That's a climate where attachment styles get in the way, where people give up easily, where the next match is just another DM or swipe away.

When it comes to relationships we need to look specifically at if someone is willing to be uncomfortable.

Are they willing to be uncomfortable? Uncomfortable in being and doing better.

Uncomfortable in rising to meet you at your level. Uncomfortable in coming out of a long period of habits and mindsets from being single. Uncomfortable in taking on new responsibilities and vulnerability. Uncomfortable in practicing selflessness.

That is the strongest sign of whether someone is capable of loving you or not.

Are they willing to be uncomfortable?

When someone is NOT capable of loving you - that is they either don’t want to or they kinda do kinda don’t or they do but they don’t even try - when that happens I’ve found time and time again that it’s reflected in someone’s willingness to be uncomfortable.

Someone who is capable of loving you - that is they’re capable of being vulnerable even if it’s for the first time in a while, they’re capable of breaking out of what is routine and normal for them - at the end of the day, what they’re really doing is they’re embracing the discomfort of change.

Zoom out.

Anyone can return texts, anyone can flirt, anyone can say you’re beautiful, anyone can introduce you to friends… BUT when things get serious, when things need to get vulnerable and transparent… discomfort is what separates the people who are capable and the people who are not.

Are they willing to be uncomfortable in order to do better and be better?

That is the question.

Practically this means they don’t back down from the things that make them feel challenged.

- It means they don’t turn a conversation about feelings or reciprocity into a fight.

- It means they don’t make excuses for why they don’t ant to talk about their past.

- It means they don’t avoid questions about intention.

- It means they don’t fumble and avoid talking about the future. Looking at someone’s willingness to embrace discomfort is the ultimate sign of whether or not they’re capable of loving you.

You deserve someone who is willing to embrace discomfort.

That's someone who shows with actions that they want to become a better partner for you. They want to improve themselves to reciprocate what you bring to the table. They fight for it. They don’t run when it gets uncomfortable.

Everyone is capable of doing things, saying things and acting a certain way in life. But what separates the right people for you and the wrong ones are those who carry through - those who are willing to hear no, who are willing to be hurt and who are willing to be vulnerable.

In the long run there will be a lot of people who aren't ready, who aren’t willing and who don’t have the courage to try… but you can always be proud of yourself for trying.

A willingness to love and to be loved is something that a lot of people simply don’t have the inner strength to do.

To say YOU chose the unknown and you chosen vulnerability… that’s something you should be proud of. I really mean that.

If you're willing to embrace discomfort, you deserve someone who does as well.

If you’re willing to be uncomfortable, to push yourself, to challenge your conditioning… you deserve someone who does as well.

THAT is your standard and you deserve someone who has the same standard and willingness as well.

Are they willing to be uncomfortable?