· By Case Kenny
Be the person who cares less?
Whoever cares less wins.
Have you heard this?
Care less and you have the power. Care less and you’ll be happier.
You’ll be happier because when you care less you’re just this happy go lucky, aloof person who doesn’t let someone else’s actions or inactions get you down.
You won’t be disappointed by people when they hurt you, ghost you or dismiss you… because you didn’t care in the first place. Care less because then you’ll just go with the flow and what’s meant to be will be meant to be...
I cringe every time I hear this.
But I do understand it.
It’s a preservation mentality.
If you don't care then the outcome can’t hurt you. That person can’t hurt you. Disappointment can’t hurt you. Rejection can't hurt you.
If you’ve ever been disappointed, heartbroken, lost, hurt, etc. you have proof in your life that supports the notion that you should care less as a way to protect yourself.
But think about what a life of preservation looks like...
- You live in reaction to the world and people around you.
- You basically ask for permission to do and get what you want.
- You're always waiting...
For some reason we’ve also developed an assumption that caring too much means you’re desperate... and society doesn’t like desperate people.
THAT is the reason we tend to lean on. We rationalize caring less by just saying… I don't want to seem desperate.
All that mentality does is block us in life. It blocks potential. It blocks opportunity. It blocks connection.
Caring is the ultimate sign YOU'RE in control in your life.
- How is being in control of your life desperate?
- How is owning how you feel desperate?
- How is speaking up first desperate?
- How is setting the tone for what you expect desperate?
It’s anything but desperate.
Do you want to look back on your life and say good news: I protected myself. I avoided hurtful circumstances. Success.
But then in the fine print have it read: Oh but I ended up settling, I ended up watering myself down, I ended up faking it.
You don't want that, do you? Personally, I never want to look back and realize I didn’t choose MY path.
I don't want to look back and realize I waited around, I hid my true self so as not to scare someone off, I passed up opportunities because I didn't want to appear a certain way instead, etc.
I know I will regret that.
In the moment self perversion seems like a smart move but in retrospect I can guarantee it’s going to be a regret.
Don't allow yourself to be the one who WAITs for energy to come your way.
Don't allow yourself to be the one who waits for interest to be shown to you.
Don't allow yourself to hold yourself back out of fear of coming off as desperate.
I advocate for you to care MORE.
I advocate for you to be the first to text, the first to follow-up, the first to be energetic, the first to be honest and vulnerable and the first to STOP pretending.
I advocate for this for a very practical reason.
Caring MORE weeds out people who are not right for you.
Plain and simple. I’m not one for testing a potential partner or any shenanigans like that but practically if your honesty, eagerness or vulnerability makes someone think you're desperate... you just dodged a major bullet.
Think about it.
If you held yourself back and took the approach of caring less… and you then developed a relationship with that person (who would’ve been turned off by those things in the first place) are you with the right person? No way!
You’re with someone you won over by NOT being real.
Is that the life you want? Is that a life YOU chose?
That’s a life where you decided to NOT embrace who you are. So practically as much as it might hurt... you have the clearest proof in front of you that they are not for you.
You’d agree that you deserve someone who loves you for you, right?
You deserve someone who appreciates your personality, your emotions, do you not? So then when you care less you’re not being that person, right?
If someone is turned off by how much you care... why would you want to win them over by hiding it? You don’t deserve that.
Caring more definitely opens you up to rejection, frustration and more of the things you're wired to avoid... BUT what do you want to avoid more: temporary pain or life long regret.?
I hope you choose a life that is motivated by a desire to minimize regret.
THAT forces you to be real. where you're real first - not in reaction to someone else, not after waiting 3 days or not after making sure they’re on the same page. It’s where you write the first page, it's where you speak up first, it’s where you’re honest first.
And yes it won’t always create the outcome you desire… but which do you want?
A life YOU chose and YOU created? OR... a life created for you that doesn’t honor or respect the person you really are?
Be the first to care.