· By Case Kenny
If they wanted to, they would (right?)
If they wanted to, they would.
Is this a true statement?
I’m going to use the example of a "textationship" to make my case that it is VERY true.
A textationship = a relationship between two people where one person texts you all the time but they never make any effort to meet up.
In a textationship you have two people flirting, getting to know each other but one person is fully content with only that. They get the dopamine rush of flirting and an emotional connection without ever meeting up. They’re perfectly content with that because they really aren’t looking for anything more or they simply don't want it with you. But they like knowing you’re there when they want.
And there you are. You like the attention. THEY text you. They SEEM eager.
You don’t want to seem desperate and so you play the waiting game. You accept their excuses.
If you can relate to this... it's time to take a hard look in the mirror.
If YOU'VE made it clear you want more and they’ve clearly established a PATTERN of talking but not doing… it's time to realize the statement is true: if they wanted to they would.
Think about your own behavior. Think about how you act when you know what you want.
You don't want to let it pass you by. Sometimes you overthink and drag your feet but more or less... you act on it, right? You don’t sit around knowing what you want without at least trying to get it.
Oversimplified? Sure, but I think we need to analyze our relationships through the lens of our own behavior.
When you know how you feel… you act on it. In the instance of someone not making an effort beyond only texting you it might be time to swallow a tough pill that says either they don't know how they feel or they do and it’s not you.
- If they don’t know you can give them some time but it’s important to know that for every person who’s playing the I don’t know what I want game there’s someone who would say excuse me, I know exactly what I want.
- If they do know how they feel and what they want and they’re NOT putting in effort… it might be hard to hear but they’re not into you.
Either way... if they wanted to they would.
Ask yourself: are you ok with words without effort?
No, of course not and you should never feel guilty for cutting off a person like that. It doesn’t make you a bad person and it also doesn't make them a bad person.
It doesn't need to be a grandiose angry thing where you create a narrative about how toxic they are and they didn't choose you and they're a f***boy or crazy.
You can simply say… this person isn’t meant to be in my life and I’m not meant to be in theirs. Our needs don’t align right now. Our energies don’t align right now.
It’s simply self respect that says if they wanted to... they would. And guess what? They don’t want to. So it’s time to let go of someone who likes to talk but never acts.
It’s time to let go because you are a grown, mature and compassionate adult who looks exclusively at actions in life.
And you know that if YOU want something.. you don’t allow it to stay as a want. You act on it.
That is what YOU do! And so you hold other people to the same standard.
You deserve someone who WANTs to act. You don’t need to make excuses for them any more. You’re not selfish for wanting their actions to align with words. You deserve the things you yourself DO.
- If you’re willing to love... you deserve to be loved.
- If you practice honesty... you deserve to receive honesty in return.
- If you’re willing to act... you deserve someone who also acts.
In your life you do what you say you're gonna do and so you deserve someone who does the same.
If they wanted to, they would.