I used to think that any time someone looked at me... they were judging me.
For instance if I was walking down the street and I saw someone look at me or make eye contact, my gut reaction was uh oh do I have something in my teeth, is my fly down, do I look weird… what’s up… why are they looking at me? What’s wrong!?
And then on a day where I felt anxious or down I'd think they’re probably judging me, they probably know that I’m a loser, that I’m lost, that I’m not confident, etc.
I’d project my own insecurities onto them and assumed they must be seeing the same things I saw in myself. They know! They know!
But I’ve changed.
I used to assume I was being JUDGED but now I find myself assuming I'm being ADMIRED instead.
What a mindset shift!
They’re not judging me... they’re admiring.
It's not admiring like "I’m the sh**, I’m attractive, look at me" or anything overconfident.
Instead of negative judgement I simply assume positive intent. I assume they’re simply curious about me and they’re sending positive energy my way.
That’s a total rebrand from look at this guy he’s probably insecure, he’s probably struggling in his dating life, his career sucks, pshhhh this guy.
Now it's all positive energy.
Look at this guy! He seems interesting, he’s got life in his eyes, I wonder where he’s going, I wonder what he does, I like his style, he looks like a cool guy.
Whether those are true thoughts or not it’s really helped me.
It’s really helped me specifically in the realm of the world’s most popular self help topic - fear of judgment.
So many books and articles and podcasts have been published on the subject of how to NOT care what other people think about you.
The majority of this advice says we need to realize that most people don't care because they're too busy with their own lives to even notice you.
I think that's partially true... but let’s not live in lala land. It’s not helpful to say no one cares. Of course people care! It’s human nature to care. It's human nature to observe and laugh and critique and judge.
But you DON'T have to assume negative judgment.
Are they judging you... picking apart your body, your outfit, the way you walk, your loud laugh, etc.? Are they pinpointing your insecurities, the fact that you’re going through a breakup, the fact that you’re struggling in your career?
Are they judging you for the things you judge yourself for?
OR can you flip the script and say they’re admiring me? They like my outfit. They wonder what I was laughing at. They think I’m interesting. I’m dedicated to my craft, I'm on my way somewhere exciting to do something exciting - they notice that. I’ve got good energy about me.
Doing this is not an assumption that everyone loves you. That'd be unhealthy.
Nah. It's just a redirection of worth your way instead of judgment.
The more you assume other people are sending positive energy your way... the more it can have a seriously powerful impact on how YOU see yourself.
You'll start admiring yourself more and it will give you a powerful sense of calm.
Ya know what? I am an interesting person.
Ya know what? I am on my way to do interesting things.
Ya know what? I’m putting out a good vibe, I’ve got good energy about me, I’m walking with confidence, I’m living with purpose.
Admiring, not judging.