The New Mindset Journal

Dating? Ask yourself this question.

If you want to bring all the boys to the yard, you've gotta bring your milkshake. 

If you want to bring all the girls to the yard, you’ve gotta bring your milkshake.

Milkshake isn’t a euphemism as Kelis might have you think :)

Nah, milkshake means you have something worth attracting someone else.

You have something about you that is worth it. And same goes for someone else - there’s gotta be something about what they do that is worth your attention.

Aka… no one simply deserves the love of someone else. It has to be earned!

That other person doesn’t simply deserve your love, they have to earn it. They have to bring their proverbial milkshake to the yard.

I find that a lot of the time, people feel entitled to things simply because of who they are are - entitled to love, commitment and all those great things simply because they’re “a catch.”

BUT newsflash… you don’t simply deserve someone’s love, commitment or compassion. You have to earn it. And that other person doesn’t simply deserve your love, commitment or compassion. They have to earn it.

When it comes to dating and relationships, it’s a blank slate, my friend.

I don’t care:

  • How hot you are.
  • That you went on a missions trip in college.
  • That you volunteer every other weekend.
  • That you’ve been posting woke quotes on Instagram lately.
  • That you were just promoted at your job and you’re raking in six figures now.

Those things are great and those are certainly qualities I’d look for in someone… BUT those things alone don’t mean you deserve someone’s love.

Those things alone don’t mean someone else deserves your love.

It has to be earned!

Just because someone is hot, has had a ton of success in their career, is a philanthropist, only eats cage free and shops local… that doesn’t mean that they deserve anything.

Love has to be earned! Trust has to be earned! Compassion has to be earned!

YOU have to earn it and THEY have to earn it.

Just because someone is a compassionate, kind, loving, hard working person doesn’t mean they deserve something. It’s certainly a great start. But it still has to be earned 1 on 1 with that person.

It’s like basketball. You could’ve won 4 championships and you consider yourself a great player, a superb athlete and a champion. But for that to matter to someone who has never heard of you and has never seen you play… you’d have to hop on the court and show them. You’d have to earn that title with them.

So, the question is: Are you bringing your milkshake to the yard or not?

Is that other person bringing their milkshake to the yard or not? That is the question and I’m convinced that dating would be a lot easier if folks constantly asked themselves this.

Are you bringing a milkshake to the yard? Or are you just showing up and expecting all the boys/girls to come on over?

Relationships are about who you are but more importantly they’re about what you do.

They’re about how you support that other person. They’re about how you treat them. They’re about your eagerness to do for them, to open up to them and to lead them to open up to you. They’re about challenging someone but also building them up. That’s it.

Yes, be the 10/10 you are. Be a catch and a hustler. Be a good person. Be that person you’ve always been and let those traits make you confident and have high standards.

But know that you both need to check your egos a bit when you meet each other.

You both have to prove it! You both have to earn what you want.

Ask yourself… Am I earning it? Am I willing to earn it? If you‘re iffy on an answer, maybe it’s a sign this isn’t the relationship for you.

If you say hell ya! Great! Keep doing your thing, my friend.

And ask it about that other person. Is he or she earning my trust, love and compassion? Is he or she willing to earn it?

No? Well that’s a problemo by friend and you should address it. 

Yes? Amazing, I’m super happy for you. Am I bringing my milkshake to the yard? Are they bringing their milkshake to the yard? The fact of the matter is, we’re all capable of doing more.

Given that, there’s really no excuse to be with someone who is not willing to take action against that capability.

Right? It’s a small thing to say: I know I’m a catch but I’m going to prove it. I’m gonna bring my milkshake to the yard. And I expect the same of the person I decide to date.

The more that is your expectation of yourself and the expectation of the person you date, I think you'll find yourself being much more intentional and decisive with how you date and who you date.