Question for you my friend...
When someone ghosts you, says something that offends you or frustrates you, when someone disappoints you… do you respond with judgment? Or do you respond with curiosity?
Do you approach that person as a puddle or an ocean?
Understanding this distinction is the key to no longer taking other peoples' imperfect behavior personally.
When someone hurts you… that’s them projecting their own imperfection on you... and you realize this quite clearly when you decide to respond with curiosity rather than judgment.
Responding with curiosity reminds you that someone else’s action says a lot about them and very little about you. It means that they are an ocean - they have things about them that make them imperfect and reminds you that very little that other people do is because of you. It is because of THEM - who they are, their past, their issues and their imperfections.
Curiosity is you diving into who THEY are… not you.
It’s you being curios about THEIR imperfection that led THEM to act that way.
- When someone flakes on you… hmmm I wonder what’s going on in their life?
- When someone drops the ball at work… hmmm I bet they have a lot on their plate.
- When someone ghosts you and doesn’t communicate with you… I wonder if someone happened in their life, I wonder why they couldn't be honest with me...
- When someone says something hurtful… hmmm I bet that person has some real personal sh*t in their life, they’ve got some pain and frustration to work out.
See what I’m saying?
Curiosity recognizes that everyone is an ocean. There is something about THEM that led them to do that thing. Depth.
On the other hand, when you treat people like puddles, you react with judgment and as a result your interpretation of the world and people becomes cynical, judgmental and spiteful.
Judgment doesn't offer you a very empathetic view of the world and that's no bueno.
If I could choose one word to describe my ideal state it would be empathetic.
That means reacting to other peoples' BS with a healthy dose of attempted understanding... aka curiosity. It’s not agreeing and accepting their behavior, it’s simply trying to understand it.
That’s HUGE because when you understand it… you don’t blame yourself.
Recognize that no one is perfect and everyone is looking out for themselves. Everyone is acting out of self preservation.
That doesn’t mean you are a piece of sh*t and that doesn’t mean you have something wrong with you - a big ol' bullseye on you that says hurt me here.
Stay firm and declare that you deserve better. You're not accepting their behavior.
But recognize that people are oceans not puddles.
When you do, you'll simply feel better. That means saying things like: - I wonder why he/she did that?
- I wonder what it is about them that made them think they could do this?
- That really sounds like they have issues they’re working through.
- They are projecting their own issues on me. I wonder why they’re this way...
Doing this reminds you that it’s not about you, it’s about THEM.
Someone says they found someone better than you? Something about them makes them think it’s ok to say that and clearly they're very confused and not intentional in their life. That’s a THEM issue. Yes it hurt you but that’s on THEM.
Someone lets you down and disappointed you in a big way? That’s THEIR lack of commitment and THEIR LACK loyalty. Yes it hurt you but it's a flaw of theirs.
Thinking like that - responding with curiosity rather than judgement - will remind you of this fact. There is always something deeper to consider and THAT will set you free. You won’t get energy sucked into their imperfection.
Yes, you’re still on the receiving end but you don’t have to make it double worse by judging yourself, giving more of your energy away or doubting yourself. It’s about them and their imperfection... not you.