· By Case Kenny
Enthusiasm is the biggest green flag
Enthusiasm is the biggest green flag of all.
That's enthusiasm followed by action.
Wouldn't you agree?
In your sex life, wouldn't you say enthusiasm is the most important starting element? (listen to today's podcast episode for more on this).
In your career, wouldn't you say enthusiasm is important?
With your friends, wouldn't you say enthusiasm is important?
So why don't we apply the same standard in our dating lives?
An early stage relationship HAS to be defined by enthusiasm - yours and theirs.
It has to be!
Enthusiasm. Putting in effort. Wanting to get to know each other. Asking questions. Asking why. Genuine eagerness - not acting, not going through the motions... real eagerness.
If you don’t have enthusiasm for your partner early in a relationship… you're not going to have it later.
If they don't have enthusiasm for you early in a relationship… they're not going to have it later. It’s not going to magically appear a year later.
Enthusiasm is the foundation for a relationship and we should demand it from them and from ourselves.
That’s the new standard.
Can we push ourselves to raise the bar for what enthusiasm looks like in a partner? Can we raise the bar for what enthusiasm looks like in ourselves?
In the same way we need to take lack of enthusiasm in a partner as a red flag, we need to do the same for ourselves.
If YOU don’t feel enthusiasm to move forward with someone... you have to respect that. You can't force it. You can’t act out of loneliness or fear of being alone.
Ask yourself: Are they enthusiastic? Am I enthusiastic?
Do they want to get to know you OR are they just going through the motions?
Do they want to see you OR is it only when it's convenient for them?
Do they want to be honest and open with you OR is that too much for them?
... and then ask yourself those same questions.
Isn’t enthusiasm what a relationship is ALL about?
Yes, a relationship is about compatibility, connection, growing together, etc.
BUT what are those things without enthusiasm? What is a relationship without a burning enthusiasm to bring those things to life?
Vision life with your soulmate partner. Think about how that happens.
You wouldn’t FINALLY find that person and FINALLY have amazing chemistry, connection and physical attraction and be like phew I got it. Check check check. Now we can finally relax because we “won.”
No! You’d want to live those things! You’d want to experience the fruits of your labor. You want enthusiasm!
Isn't that what excites you about long term partnership?
Knowing that everyday you get to wake up to someone who’s enthusiastic about those things just as you are?
So why don’t we have that same standard in the immediate?
If you don’t see enthusiasm from your partner in the immediate... they're not going to magically develop it.
If YOU don’t have a desire to be enthusiastic in the immediate… it’s not going to magically develop.
Yes, sometimes it can take a little bit of time but if the desire isn’t there today... it’s not going to magically develop.
We need to respect that. You can’t wait for enthusiasm to appear out of thin air.
You can’t convince yourself to be enthusiastic and of course you can’t convince someone else to be enthusiastic. You deserve someone who is enthusiastic about you in the same way you are about them.
Trust your intuition - if you’re NOT enthusiastic, you don't have to go through the motions. If they're NOT enthusiastic, you don't have to go through the motions.
Ask yourself this question and let your intuition give you an answer.
Is their enthusiasm real? Is my enthusiasm real?
You’ll find a lot of the answers you’re looking for.