· By Case Kenny
What do YOU want?
It's the most important question you can ask yourself...
Because when you DON'T know what you want...
- you go on a date and just because they like you… you’re in.
- you work a job and just because they pay you… you’re in.
- you see life as other people tell you to see it: everything is f*****, all people are dishonest, only certain people get lucky, only certain people can succeed, etc.
So how do you answer this question and KNOW with certainty that it's YOUR answer?
How do you know what you want isn't actually someone else's desire or only something you want because you're under pressure to want it?
Rephrase the question...
Instead of asking yourself "what do I want?" ask yourself "what don’t I want to regret in my life?"
What don’t I want to regret in my life?
Answering that question FIRST opens the door for you to be honest with yourself.
This isn't an exercise in letting fear guide your decisions. It's an exercise in getting you to finally be 100% honest with yourself.
This question empowers you to know YOUR truth - NOT what you might've borrowed from someone else, NOT what you might've borrowed from a list of things to do before you die or some checklist of what you need in a partner, a job, a friend, etc.
When it comes to knowing "what you want" it's easy to delude yourself. Is it what YOU want or what someone else told you you should want?
But regrets are real and personal. Only YOU can be honest and say whether you regret someone or not. Only YOU can say whether you're afraid of looking back and regretting something.
So ask yourself that…
What DON'T I want to regret in life? What’s something I would look back and regret?
Come up with a list.
You might might say something like:
I don’t want to regret not loving someone.
I don’t want to regret letting go of someone I love.
I don’t want to regret not becoming financially free.
I don’t want to regret not being more creative.
I don’t want to regret not speaking up.
I don’t want to regret watering myself down.
That's a great list. Those are real regrets and you're honest about them.
Now take that list and apply the opposite of those regrets to figure out what you want.
"I don’t want to regret not loving someone. I don’t want to regret letting go of someone I love."
The opposite... I want to feel loved, I want to feel understood, I want commitment. The more specific the better. I want to feel understood - that’s a powerful thing to say you want!
"I don’t want to regret not becoming financially free."
The opposite… I want to be financially free (obviously). But that wording is so much better than something like I want money.
"I don’t want to regret not speaking up. I don’t want to regret watering myself down."
The opposite... I want to be true to myself, I want to be real, I want to always be radically honest.
Ask yourself this question and the inverse will present itself as a logical intention to follow next.
What don’t I want to regret? What am I afraid of NOT doing, NOT accomplishing or NOT trying to accomplish?
Do this exercise for the different areas of your life - your career, your relationships, your friendships and your personal self development.
What don’t I want to regret?
And then flip it.
Say: THIS is what I want. No one else has a say in it. No one else can convince me otherwise. No one else can shame me or judge me. This is me. This is real. THIS is what I want.