· By Case Kenny
Is it your loss or their loss?
When a relationship doesn't progress like you wanted it to, when you’re hit with the old "it’s not you... it’s me," when someone pulls a 180 on you, etc... you have a choice to make.
Is it YOUR loss or THEIR loss?
Answering this question rescues us from what we normally resort to - self blame.
It’s not your loss. It’s their loss.
*Caveat: this is NOT a blaming mindset. There’s nothing redeeming about offloading your sh** and ownership onto other people. If you're "at fault" for a relationship falling apart... you should own that. You should dig deep for why.
But in circumstances where someone else chooses to let you go... you can either see it as your failure OR you can choose to see it as a bummer... for them.
That sucks for them. That’s their loss. They’re missing out.
What you bring to the table hasn’t changed and won’t change... so how could it possibly be your loss?
That's THE question to ask yourself.
This doesn't only apply to romantic relationships. It could be a friend growing distant from you. It could be a job that no longer sees your value. When that happens, ask yourself this question.
Wait a minute… is this my loss or their loss?
If someone doesn’t see your worth, if someone decides they’d rather be single, if someone decides you’re not their cup of tea, if someone decides you’re not worthy of a promotion, etc.… that’s their loss.
How can that be your loss when you know what you bring to the table?
How can that be your loss when you did indeed bring it to the table?
Nah... that's their loss.
Life is about self-awareness. It’s about knowing your strengths AND weaknesses. It’s about knowing when you have work to do and when they have work to do.
BUT if you have that self awareness, you've done the inner work and you practice what you preach... and someone doesn’t respect that, they don’t see it or they just don’t care… well then... that's 100% their loss.
End of story.
You’re not missing out. They are.
You can choose to see rejection, loss or frustration as a sign you're lacking. OR... you can simply focus on your growth and choose to see lack of alignment, lack of reciprocity, lack of compatibility as a sign you’re NOT missing out... they are.
This isn't a "I'm right, they're wrong" mindset.
This is about you and you. It's about you and your growth. You know what you bring to the table, you know that you’ve learned from your past and you know your strengths and weaknesses.
If that isn’t enough to keep someone around... that’s on them, not you.
That’s their loss, not yours.
You're not missing you, they are.
This is a mindset that gives you inner peace.
That's inner peace, compassion and hope for yourself that one day you’ll no longer need to turn to those things for perseverance… because you've come to realize that some things are worth the wait.
Some things are worth the wait and when you find that person who finally sees you and refuses to let you go… you'll know why it took so long.
But you’ll be proud of yourself and the dots will connect looking back because along the way you never let go of what you bring to the table. Because THAT never changes.