· By Case Kenny
Is it bad to get attached easily?
Have you ever seen that meme that says:
Me: I met someone
* one week later
Me: never mind...
I suppose dating in 2021 is like that. Someone can seem magical, perfect and a total catch and you can be so excited about the possibility but it turns out it’s a total bait and switch, they pull a 180 on you or they have a wife and 3 kids (oof). That’s the world we live in.
But we've internalized a lot of the doubt and insecurity that results from those experiences and as a result we'll do anything now to avoid getting attached.
We're the catch flights, not feelings crew. We don't want to be soft and catch feelings too fast.
This is for you if you're the type to get attached easily.
This is also for you if you're the opposite - if you're like "I feel nothing!" There's nothing wrong with getting attached.
I'm not talking about attachment styles here. I'm talking attached = simply being honest you like someone and being willing to go all in emotionally with yourself. Feeling attached to someone = I see a future with his person. I don't need to pretend I don’t.
Feeling attached to someone = being honest.
And what’s wrong with that? As long as it’s balanced by reading the room, being honest with WHY you feel that way and keeping your eyes open to red flags... it's a good thing.
It’s the opposite of how we’re molded to act.
We’re molded to always have a backup plan and never put all of our emotional eggs in one basket. If you're the kind of person who gets attached easily it’s important to realize it’s not a character flaw, you’re not weak and you’re not soft.
You’re just honest with how you feel. And is that a bad thing? Heck no.
I'm not advocating for you to get overly attached. I’m advocating for you to not shame yourself if you feel attached. If you come across someone who's attached to you I'm advocating for you to not shame them.
If you’re the type who’s like I NEVER get attached, what’s wrong with me?… I’m advocating for you to practice radical honesty with yourself. What is holding you back? Is it that you don’t feel anything or is it that you’re so used to protecting yourself that you don’t ever listen to how you actually feel?
There's nothing wrong with loving everything in life.
There's nothing wrong with coming across something new and being like yooo this is amazing. I’m not gonna hide it.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling a strong connection to someone even if they're new in your life. There's nothing wrong with feeling attached.
Attached is NOT what the internet has made us think.
Healthy attachment is you having hope in someone. Healthy attachment is you seeing something that speaks to you on a deeper level. Healthy attachment is you having an intuition you actually listen to. Healthy attachment is you being honest with yourself for once.
This is about you and you. Feeling attached - despite what it sounds like - is NOT about them. It’s about your relationship with YOU.
It’s about what you see in the mirror.
Do you see someone who feels one way but acts another? Do you see someone who doesn't listen to how they truly feel because it might lead them in a vulnerable direction?
OR do you see someone who is radically honest with themselves?
Attachment is 50% about that other person and 50% about you.
That latter 50% is everything. The way you respond to how you truly feel, the respect you pay to your intuition and the honesty you practice... that is everything. It’s what leads you to the people who are right for you.
It’s what leads you away from people who don't deserve you. It’s what helps you remain human in a world that wants everyone else to make the first move, for the internet to approve your checklist and for you to protect yourself at all costs.
Let’s drop the word "attached" and just say it’s you being emotionally honest.
If you’re the kind of person who gets attached easily… please consider WHY. Is it to fill a void in your life? Is it in response to some kind of trauma? Take time to address that but once you have, drop the lingo.
You’re not the "I get attached easily" type. You’re the "I’m honest with myself" type.
And what’s wrong with that?
If you’re the kind of person who gets frustrated with someone else getting attached to you easily, ask yourself: why am I dismissive of that connection? What is holding me back from considering reciprocating? Answer that and then practice empathy and realize where someone who feels attached is coming from. You can’t shame their honesty. And lastly, if you’re the person who’s like I never feel anything really... ask yourself am I practicing radical emotional honesty? Am I listening to how I actually feel?
Either way, breaking through the guard you’ve put up takes time. It takes being honest with yourself about why you resist listening to your honest thoughts, it takes time to understand why you're hesitant to go all in emotionally… but it’s worth it.