· By Case Kenny
How to deal with anxious dating thoughts
I saw a headline the other day that said:
When It’s Real, You Won’t Feel Anxious About It.
I don't think that's necessarily true...
Anxious thoughts don’t mean you’re on the wrong path and they don't always mean someone is wrong for you.
We need to draw a line when it comes to anxious thoughts.
Don’t confuse your anxious thoughts for self doubt.
Don't confuse your anxious thoughts for lack of compatibility.
Don’t confuse your anxious thoughts for the assumption you’re on the wrong path.
There's a difference between your anxious dating thoughts and self doubt that's brought about by someone else's behavior.
To always associate anxious thoughts with a sign that someone is WRONG for you... that is doing you a disservice.
There's a difference between your very human anxious thoughts and the anxious thoughts that come from their behavior - actions or words that make you feel small, less, desperate, inadequate or unworthy.
THOSE thoughts certainly are a sign to move on.
But what’s the difference? How do you know the difference between your very human anxious thoughts like am I doing enough, will they like me, am I being overeager and thoughts like I’m not good enough or I’m not worthy of this person.
Anxious thoughts are inherently between you and you.
Anxious thoughts are what you see when you look in the mirror.
These kinds of thoughts can certainly be made better or worse by other people but inherently they are a reflection of you vs you.
You know every single time you’ve ever messed up. You know every single time you’ve done too much or too little. Your anxious thoughts like to project those memories to your current person or circumstance... and voila, self doubt. That's called being human.
BUT there definitely are instances where your anxious thoughts do have everything to do with them and it’s a sign that they are not right for you.
If their actions or words make you feel less, small, inadequate or unworthy… recognize that. Unlike anxious thoughts which are you vs you - if something they’ve done or said is the catalyst for you’re feeling a certain way - that is not your anxiety.
That is self doubt that comes from their treatment of you. That is something you should not dismiss.
- If they love bomb you and then ignore you...
- If they reschedule and reschedule...
- If they commenting and flirt on other people’ pictures...
- If they say one thing and do another... If their actions actions or words are causing you to change your perception of yourself... Don't ignore those thoughts.
Ask yourself… am I feeling anxious because of something they did… or am I having these thoughts because I’m human?
Don’t confuse anxious thoughts for self doubt. Don’t confuse anxious thinking for your worth. You can have anxious thoughts and live the most redrawing fulfilling life ever. You have those thoughts are because you're human!
You're not broken, you can overcome them and there's nothing wrong with you.
Those thoughts are because you care and you're eager! You can look those thoughts in the eye and still move forward. BUT if you have anxious thoughts and they progress into ones that make you feel less, unworthy, undeserving because of their treatment of you... that is when you draw the line.
- If you feel small or inadequate because someone is playing hot and cold... draw a line.
- If you feel self doubt and unworthy because someone refuses to be honest with you… draw a line.
- If you feel less because someone refuses to prioritize you… draw a line.
That is your power.
We all have anxious thoughts and overthinking...
Your greatest asset is your ability to recognize that those are you vs you type thoughts. Your greatest asset is your ability to navigate life knowing those thoughts do not dictate your worth.
But when you come across someone who turns those thoughts from human anxious thoughts to self doubt... that is where you draw the line.