What should we do when we feel lost? What should we do when we don't have any advice to give ourselves?
What should we do when we simply don’t know what to do?
Here's something I recommend...
Pretend that your friend asked you that same question. What should I do?
Pretend that you could duplicate yourself and turn around and ask yourself the same question. What should I do?
Pretend that you could look in the mirror and the person looking back at you could ask you that same question. What should I do?
Then answer it objectively. Answer it as someone who is simply observing and offering advice.
- If you’re dating someone and that person keeps giving you mixed signals, they’re acting sketch and they’re hot then cold… and you don't know what to do.
Duplicate yourself, walk up to YOU and say…. “Hi I’m dating someone and they keep giving me mixed signals, they’re acting sketch and they’re hot and cold… What should I do?"
- If you’re stressed out at work, you're overworked and your boss is entirely too demanding... and you don't know what to do.
Duplicate yourself, walk up to YOU and say…. “Hi I’m stressed out at work, I’m overworked and my boss is entirely too demanding... What should I do?”
That is the power of shifting perspective.
If you were to ask yourself that... what would you say?
What would you say as an objective outsider simply answering the question given the facts you can observe?
Why does this work?
The other day I was browsing Reddit and I found an amazing thread titled "What is the most helpful thing your therapist has ever said to you?"
Here was the top answer:
My therapist and I were discussing how I felt about a pretty deep betrayal from my now ex-wife. I was beating myself up for not seeing how bad she really was when there was plenty of evidence.
My therapist wrote down something on his yellow notepad and then held it up right in my face, practically touching my nose. He said "what's that say?"
I couldn't read it; it was too close to my face. Stepping back from it a bit, it could read it said "you're too close to see it."
He was right. I was too close to the problems and the situation to have been able to see it where in retrospect it was so obvious. I stopped beating myself up over it and was able to let it go.
I love that so much because we are all hyper-aware of everything in our lives.
We’re consumed by it, we overthink it, we struggle to detach from it and we live it 24/7.
Sometimes we're just too close to the issues in our life to see the obvious answers.
The most powerful thing you can do is to just observe without feeling. Just for a minute. Just a quick BRB.
If I were to ask you that, what would you say? That’s you taking a quick step back to observe instead of feel.
Maybe you'll finally find that little bit of tough love you need that says… this is ridiculous, I see it now. I’ve been hanging onto this for too long. I’ve been blind to the obvious truth.
If I were to ask you that, what would you say? Put yourself in a different pair of shoes for just one moment.
Duplicate yourself for just one moment. Pretend you are your friend asking you that same question about the same issue. What would you tell them?
Just for a brief moment... observe without feeling.