· By Case Kenny
How to handle the BS of dating
You’re on the receiving end of a frustrating dating experience - maybe you’re broken up with, ghosted, ignored, given mixed signals, etc.
What do you do?
If you're like most, you overthink. You start assuming and playing scenarios of "what if." You might even be tempted to think you're unlovable or that your standards are too high.
BUT I think you have what it takes to look that frustrating experience in the face, know you deserve better, say tooodalooo and move on with your life - no overthinking, no self blame, no lowering your standards. Nada.
The best way to do this is to only give yourself two options.
Here's how I do it - by playing a mental game of "would you rather?"
Would you rather continue to date someone who is just stringing you along, who isn't serious about you and will ditch you as soon as they find someone else… OR be hurt today but now you're free to move on to someone who wouldn’t want to keep their options open?
Which do you choose? Continue a relationship knowing it’s not right for you… or embrace the breakup?
I’m hoping you say option 2.
Would you rather be with someone who barely meets your standards, who is a nice person by all measures but you’re very aware you’re settling… OR make the painful decision to be alone for a while longer, to be back to being the single friend again… but in doing so you maintain your standards?
I hope you say option 2.
Sometimes the best thing for you is someone overlooking you, deprioritizing you, rejecting you or breaking up with you.
It hurts but doing a quick "would you rather" in that circumstance can be quite eye opening.
Would you rather settle for good enough? Would you rather have someone just to have someone? Would you rather be strung along by someone who isn’t serious about you? Would you rather accept a bare minimum? Would you rather accept 10% effort?
OR would you rather take a short term pain - a breakup, rejection, being ghosted, being alone again - in order to get the 100% you deserve?
That's the question!
If someone breaks up with you, blindsides you, ghosts you, etc… you can ask yourself… would I rather continue dating this person only to have them do this to me eventually OR… endure the temporary pain and move on to someone who would never do that to me?
Option 2. All day.
With this practice you can stop living in the pain of the past and instead focus on the hope and standards of your present and near future. That is where hope lives. That is where your worth lives. It doesn’t live in the past with someone who didn't recognize it. It lives in a world where you give yourself two options.
Option 1… you accept good enough, you keep the status quo of your current relationship knowing what you know now - they aren't serious, aren’t committed, are full of excuses, etc.
Option 2… you take the L and you move on towards the W you deserve in the future. Option two reminds you that bare minimum is NOT enough.
Having someone just to have someone is NOT good enough. 10% is NOT good enough. 50% is NOT enough. 90% is NOT good enough.
You deserve 100% and option 2 is where what you deserve exists…
I’ll take a temporary set back any day of the week if it means I have the opportunity to move in the direction of what I deserve.
What about you?