How to move on after a breakup

Breakups. They suck.

Even though you know the relationship is over and nothing can bring it back… how do you cope with that? How do you move on?

Know this: You’re not falling behind and you didn’t waste time. 

In fact, you should be thankful this happened now instead of two years down the line. 

I know it’s not easy… but be grateful you’re hurting right now. I know that sounds weird. I know you’re tempted to feel guilty, that you wasted time… but it’s over and it’s done and it’s over and done TODAY.

Know that a broken today turns into a more powerful tomorrow and hurting today means healing tomorrow.

That’s good news because tomorrow is sooner than you realize and you should be grateful that you’re here now rather than a year or two years from now.

So first… ground yourself in this new emotion. Gratitude. 

Be grateful that the relationship is over - whether you ended it, whether they ended it or whether it was mutual. It’s over. And now you’re on DAY ONE of new progress forward. That starts today. And today is better than a year from now or 6 months from now.

Ground yourself that at a minimum you can be grateful it’s over now rather than a year from now. Because you’re going to do a lot in a year! Yes, a breakup sucks. You getting broken up with sucks. You ending a relationship sucks. Both of you ending a relationship mutually sucks. There’s no way around it. BUT there is an interesting upside to a breakup.

I guarantee you that something will happen. You will change.

I have never seen a breakup that hasn’t resulted in both people changing. Individually. In some small or big way. You are guaranteed to come out of that breakup as a different person… in the best way possible. 

Why? Because you have to! I think it’s the blessing of being human. Leveling up is like a biological response to breakup.

Yes, you will hurt. Yes, you’ll say you’re never going to love or date again. You’ll say that all women suck or men are the worst. You’ll be convinced that you’ll eventually settle.

But then… your humanness will kick in. Sink or swim. Survival of the fittest.

You will change. You will change out of necessity. You will use that breakup to change for the better.  You will realize that you no longer have to hang out in the wreckage of what happened. You can build a new world - one that is reflective of what you deserve.

You will change because eventually you will come to realize that to be happy you have to change. It’s a human response. To be happy, you have to pull yourself together. You have to move forward. 

So that is why I guarantee you that you will change for the better. You will embrace the magic of time. You will come to realize that relationship was neither the beginning nor the end of your story. You will embrace the fact that you lived plenty of life before that person and you have plenty of life to live after.

You will recognize that as a human you are wired to thrive. You are wired to adapt and overcome. You will heal.

There are levels to this life!

There are levels to who you are. You still have gas in the tank and you’d be surprised what levels you can rise to.. Just when you think you have nothing left, nothing to reach for… you will find yourself growing.

Please believe this. I know it’s not easy but I’m telling you that you will level up as a result of this.

You are guaranteed to grow in the sense that you will further create or recreate your own identity. You will solidify what you stand for. You will grow into what you truly deserve. You will root yourself even further in what is right for you.

You will move past the things that right now you think you’ll never get over - pictures of you and your ex together, your favorite movie, song, a certain smell, etc.

You will move past that, I promise you. 

I don’t think it’s possible to forget, but you won’t carry them with you so much. They won’t be so heavy. And then one day you’re going to look back and you’re going to realize what I’m saying right now.

You’re going to say wow I’m glad it happened when it did. Look at me now! Look at what happened in the past year. It was a rough start but I’m grateful. I grew through this. And I’m grateful that day 1 started when it did. You have a whole life ahead of you and it starts today.