· By Case Kenny
How to stop being toxic towards yourself
We encounter toxic people far too often in life... and they leave us feeling emotionally drained. They guilt trip us. They make us doubt ourselves.
But here's the thing.
We do those same things to ourselves. We allow the toxic people in our lives to make us toxic towards ourselves.
The most toxic thing we do a lot is we adopt a worldview of "us against the world."
That's where we just think that life is unfair and everyone is out to get us. The people around us have poor intentions for us. Bad things are inevitably going to happen to us.
That, my friend, is toxic... and it’s directed towards yourself.
You’re being toxic towards yourself when you think it’s you against the world.
Think about it.
If it’s you against the world... that means that dating, your friendships, your career, your self development, your hobbies and passions… they’re all going to fail, right?
It means there's no point in investing your energy in something or someone because you’re bound to get hurt or unlucky, right?
And so you start exhibiting all those habits of toxic people.
You feel emotionally exhausted, you intimidate yourself, you’re jealous of others, you become a victim, you’re defensive about everything and you guilt trip yourself.
- You become highly skeptical when dating. If someone compliments you or says you mean a lot to them… you start thinking they're just messing with you and it can't be true.
- If someone gives a genuine offer to help you... you think it's just veiled criticism and judgement.
- You lack confidence… because what’s the point of shooting your shot if you're just gonna get unlucky again?
THAT is you being toxic towards yourself.
But in the same way you always have the opportunity to cut toxic people out of your life, you have the same opportunity to cut your own toxic worldview out of your mind.
It takes practice and it takes constant reminders... but you can do it.
You can replace that toxic "me against the world" mindset and replace it with something a tad bit more compassionate.
- A simple reminder that you have more control than you think - that not everything and not everyone is conspiring against you.
- A simple reminder that there are kind and compassionate people in the world who truly do care for you and care about you.
- A simple reminder that past experiences don't dictate future outcomes.
- A simple reminder that a pattern of past outcomes doesn't mean that pattern will continue.
What if you were to hit pause on your toxic expectations for a second?
What if you paused those "me against the world "expectations for a second and simply had no filter?
No negative "the world is against me" filter and no "everything is amazing live, laugh, love" filter? What would happen?
Well, I’m confident that something will change.
- You’ll find yourself assuming positive intent from others.
- You'll find yourself more willing to connect with someone.
- If someone offers to help you, it’s just that… they’re offering to help.
- If someone shows interest in you as a friend or partner… you take it for what it is... connection.
- If someone messes up and accidentally hurts you… you don’t blame yourself and you don’t immediately cut them out of your life and live a life of resentment.
That’s what happens when you drop your toxic expectations and allow new ones to form.
Doing this is the equivalent of cutting out the toxic people in your life.
You can move forward with more open expectations for yourself and the world around you.
New expectations are created from the actions you allow yourself to take, the compassion you allow yourself to believe in and the goodness you allow yourself to receive.