When it comes to dating… saying NO to someone doesn’t make you a jerk, a b****, selfish, too picky, a prude, etc.
End of story.
You do not need to get involved with someone if you don’t want to.
For all my people pleasers who know this to be true but struggle with it because it sucks to shoot someone down... know this.
If you want to say NO but you say YES in order to make someone happy, to spare them the embarrassment, etc… you are literally prioritizing their feelings over yours.
You are bumping yourself down your worth list from 1 to 2.
You are saying you’d rather make THEM happy than make yourself happy and live your truth.
That's no way to live your life!
I'm sure you'd agree, right? You can say NO for any reason you want and there’s zero need to overthink it because you think someone might label you a certain way.
- You can offer a very well thought out NO where you say "I’ve thought this over, I’ve really dug deep to decide what's best for me... and the answer is NO."
- You could offer up a “my intuition just isn’t feeling this... so NO."
- Or you could literally say "I’m just tired, I’m not vibing, Mercury is in retrograde... NO."
Either way… it doesn't make you a b****. And if they decide that you are… that’s on them. Not you.
It doesn't matter how persistent that person is. It doesn’t matter how much they "want you"… if you want to say NO, you say NO!
You don’t go out with someone to spare them the awkwardness or the rejection.
Let them label you how you want. You're true to yourself and that's all that matters.
A parallel to this truth is the flip side of rejection: thirst
Asking for what you want, pursuing someone or showing interest in someone doesn’t make you thirsty.
It doesn't mean you’re some horny teenager for wanting that person. It doesn’t make you cheesy for saying you like them. It doesn't make you a try hard or an over-eager corn ball for expressing what you feel.
When you act on what you want and you do it respectfully and with self awareness, there’s nothing "thirsty" about you.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of. There’s nothing to overthink. These truths both come down to you being vulnerable and willing to take judgment. Life is built on the moments you decide to own what you feel rather than ignore it in favor of ensuring that everyone else is happy and comfortable.
Life is built on you being willing to break through the expectations others have for you. Stop letting someone’s hurt feelings or awkward reaction guide what you do.
Say NO. Ask someone out. Speak your truth.
You’ll never regret that. I can, however, picture you regretting saying YES but knowing you should’ve said NO. I can picture you regretting having feelings for someone but not voicing it.
Speaking your truth, having an awkward moment or two and then living your life knowing you did what was right... how can you regret that? Just because someone has a certain expectation for you doesn't mean you need to deliver it.
If your truth, your intuition or what YOU want doesn't align with the expectation… it’s ok!
Speak it, embrace whatever reaction they have and move on.
Let them think you’re a jerk for saying NO. I’d rather be a jerk than date someone I know isn’t right for me.
Let them think you're cheesy for saying how you feel about them.
I’d rather be cheesy than disappointed in myself for not speaking up when I should’ve.