· By Case Kenny
The people who hurt you... helped you
In life, the people who hurt you are also the ones who help you.
The people who hurt you are the ones who show you what you deserve.
Plain and simple. Your worth, your standards, your sense of self and your centeredness are solidified from those experiences.
I look at the people who betray you, disappoint you, reject you, overlook you, misjudge you… as people who remind you of your worth.
Who hurt you?
It's nothing to be ashamed of. In a weird way it’s something to be celebrated because they gave you something you need and there’s really only one way to get it… through the experience.
I know that's cliche.
But think about a life where you always get your way, where all you hear is yes, where people jump to support you, where you get everything you want and where you're never hurt or rejected.
If that was your life how would you ever know what it means to stand up for yourself, to make a tough decision for YOU, to say NO, to spot a red flag and leave, etc.?
I don't see how you would.
The people who hurt you by saying one thing and doing another, the people who ghost you, who betray you, who break promises...
What does that hurt give you? It 100% shows you what you deserve.
You deserve someone who doesn’t lie, who is real with their words and who has true intentions. You deserve someone who supports you and doesn’t have ulterior motives. You deserve respect. You deserve communication.
And although those experiences suck, your worth is no longer just theory.
Because it’s one thing to run down the usual checklist of things you deserve and not really think twice.
It’s another thing to live through the direct opposite of those things.
You learn through that.
And what’s more… there’s a powerful lesson in putting yourself in that vulnerable position in the first place.
To be hurt, you dropped your guard. To be hurt, you connected with someone. To be hurt, you let that person in. To be hurt, you tried.
The world is more and more closed off. People are more and more cynical and not open to connection. To be hurt by someone means you trusted yourself enough to be vulnerable and open up.
You were willing to be first to try or first to be vulnerable. And even though that was ultimately thrown back in your face, it’s a powerful truth about you. It says something about who you are.
You’re willing to connect, trust and be hurt.
That is powerful!
Think about a time when you were hurt by someone.
- Maybe it was dating and someone led you on but never had any intention for more and ditched you.
- Maybe it was the way a long term relationship ended.
- Maybe it was being ghosted, lied to, straight up rejected, etc.
- Maybe it was something else? Your career... never being listened to or never feeling appreciated?
- Maybe family issues? Your effort was never enough or you never felt your parents were proud of you? Now fast forward to today.
Consider some of the things you do - the habits and practices you live - that speak to your worth.
- Standing up for yourself.
- Speaking up when you have something to say.
- Disagreeing with someone when you know they’re wrong.
- Acting on your intention when you get a bad vibe from someone.
- Calling someone out when they’re being disingenuous.
- Telling someone no.
- Asking for something you want.
How do you think those practices came about?
I can tell you for a fact that you didn't just wake up and start doing those things one random day. You do those things and you’ll continue to do them because the people who hurt you reminded you of your worth and now it's real to you.
Real lessons give you real perspective and real perspective gives you real habits that reinforce it.
The quality of your present and future life 100% come from those habits.
The pain ultimately subsided but the reminder stayed. The habit stayed.
So be grateful for it.... in the only way you can. In a practical way. In a way that isn’t theory or cliche… in a way that is real to you.
That's you standing up for yourself, saying no, not getting drawn into toxic relationships, expressing you worth in what you do and say and wear, practicing your passions and hobbies as loud and vibrantly as you want.
That's you living your worth and recognizing the path to get here hurt, but it was worth it because it can never be taken from you.