When do you dig in your heels and try harder? When do you decide to let go?
Maybe you’ve been dating someone for awhile and the relationship just hasn’t progressed to the point you expected of it? Maybe you're wondering if they’re not into it as much as you are?
You're wondering if you’re playing yourself by being so committed to something that's heading nowhere?
The answer to the question of try harder or let go is YOU.
To answer it, ask yourself the following.
Have I tried my hardest?
And follow-up... if I was the other person, would he/she have any ambiguity at all about what I want?
Those are the questions to ask yourself.
Have you tried your hardest?
You’ve communicated? You’ve supported the other person? You’ve been flexible and open minded? You’ve been patient but also intentional? You’ve called, you’ve texted, you’ve spoken your mind, you’ve done what you said you would do? Ok, yes.
And... can you say there’s no ambiguity about what you want? He/she knows it? You’ve voiced it? You’ve demonstrated it with your actions?
When that's the truth and you've tried your hardest - both through words and actions - and there’s no possible ambiguity around what you want... then you have your answer.
There’s no need to try harder because you’ve tried your hardest. ... and to force yourself to try harder would mean you're likely chasing.
And you know you deserve better than chasing :)
You deserve better than trying to convince someone to be with you. You deserve better than trying to convince someone to be in a committed relationship with you, to stop seeing other people, to commit, to communicate, etc.
You have your answer - and it’s based on YOUR effort, YOUR energy and YOUR compassion.
There’s no "more" to put in because that means you’re going to chase. What clearer sign is there than knowing YOU tried your hardest AND it was clear to the other person what that meant?
There's no ambiguity about that.
Certainly it’s not easy and rarely is anything ever crystal clear. BUT at a certain point you have to realize when your effort, compassion and effort isn’t matched.
While there are exceptions to this, the majority of the time... that’s the universe saying it’s OK to let go.
It’s OK to let go when you know YOU showed up!
YOU spoke and YOU acted and there was nothing vague or ambiguous about it. YOU had an intention and YOU acted on it.
There’s peace in approaching a situation like this from the point of view of YOU.
That's different from doing what a lot of us do - we blame the other person and getting mad at THEM for THEIR lack of effort and THEIR shortcomings.
There’s peace in knowing YOU can let go because YOU showed up… and when that’s the case, you're not giving up.
The flipside to this is… if you ask yourself the question of whether you showed up, whether you tried, whether you communicated without ambiguity… and the answer is maybe not?
That's OK and it’s your sign to try a bit harder. The opposite of letting go.
A lot of the time we focus all of our energy on the other person and THEIR effort and THEIR communication… and we fail to realize that we play a role in this and if we're honest with ourselves… we might have been holding back or maybe a bit ambiguous about our intent.
When that’s the case… you’ve got the green light to try harder! You show up harder. You communicate harder. YOU live the intention you have. You give it more.
Either way… the question of when do you try harder and when do you let go… it comes down to YOU. The moment you realize you’ve taken it as far as you can until you start chasing… that’s when you have a decision to make.
And whatever you decide, there’s peace in it. Because it’s derived from YOUR effort and YOUR intention.
There's no negativity in that. You’re not being toxic, overbearing or a stage 5 clinger. You’re respecting yourself and the fact that you should never resort to chasing.