· By Case Kenny
Lonely and miss your ex?
It’s easy to feel lonely right now - lonely because of the messed up circumstances, lonely because you haven't seen friends in a while, lonely because your dating life isn’t going great (or is non existent).
But know this...
Just because you feel lonely doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
We tend to do this very human thing where we feel a negative emotion like loneliness and we think there’s something wrong with us and as a result we need to do something to fix that - and BOOM! that’s how we end up allowing our loneliness to drive us back to an ex.
But it’s a powerful thing to realize that EVERYONE feels lonely. Ever single person.
Just because you’re lonely and just because you miss someone… it doesn’t mean you have anything to fix. It’s normal. When you’re lonely, you don't have to run back to someone who might make you feel less lonely.
It’s ok to feel lonely. It’s also ok to miss someone… but the last thing you should do is act out of that loneliness. Keep your standards high - both when everything is fine and ESPECIALLY when you feel lonely.
Now is the best opportunity to raise your standards and keep them there.
When you’re lonely and just want to feel loved and appreciated, when you just want sex, when you just want companionship - that is the best opportunity for you to prove to yourself that you live by the standards you've set for yourself.
Life is best lived with standards and a sense of closure for when they weren't met. You have to create that closure for yourself - it’s not something that is given to you, it doesn’t come to you in the form of reassurance from someone else, an apology, a conversation, etc. It comes from YOU. You create it.
Within the context of feeling lonely and missing someone from your past… it’s ok to look back and miss the routine, miss the sex, miss the lack of loneliness. It's ok that maybe you’re not over them completely. That’s ok! Everyone’s timelines are different.
You’re in the process of creating closure and that person is out of your life for a reason - whether it was your call or there’s. BUT to allow your loneliness to drive you back to them is moving you away from that closure.
That’s closure YOU said you want and deserve.
You owe it yourself to remember that and to dig in your heels and remember why that chapter closed. Or at minimum remember that that chapter ended - you might not know why yet.
Trust yourself. Trust your journey. Trust that you're in the midst of creating closure.
To allow your loneliness to drive you back to them - even if only for a moment, if it’s just for a quick hang, a quick conversation, even if it’s just for that warm feeling of having someone to talk to - it’s starting that process all over.
You deserve better than that. Your standard for yourself has to be higher than that.
Because in a way… when you allow your loneliness to drive you back to someone you’re no longer with… you're settling.
You're allowing a very common human feeling to drive you back to someone who at someone point decided you weren't right for them or you decided you weren't right for them.
You're going back to someone who was not capable of delivering what you needed, who was not capable of understanding you or who did not meet your standards.
So as much as it might hurt to be lonely, as much as you might think that reaching back out and reconnecting with that person in a moment of loneliness might feel good... it’s not the right move for you.
To do that because you feel lonely - that’s not the right decision. If you are completely happy, content and not all up in your feels because of loneliness… I say ok… you can explore that.
But to allow your loneliness to drive you there? That's not living by your standards.
You're strong enough on your own. You’re strong enough to act on the standards you put in place after that person didn’t choose you or after you didn't choose them. To honor those standards amidst feeling lonely… that’s a superpower.
To look loneliness in the face and know that it’s not forever, that there’s nothing wrong with you for feeling that way, to know that it’s ok to miss someone within that context… but to stop there. That is a superpower.
I promise you that honoring that truth is going to serve you. It’s something you’ll be proud of. You’ll never regret honoring yourself and the standards you have in place.
You’ll never look back and say I regret not reaching out to my ex when I was lonely.
LOL. That simply will not happen.
Put yourself in your shoes a couple months from now and picture yourself being proud of honoring your standard, for creating closure and for living that superpower.
Respect yourself and the closure you’ve created or are creating.