· By Case Kenny
The biggest dating "green flag"
A dating green flag is a self aware two thumbs up. It's your intuition saying this is worth exploring or this person is right for me... keep going.
It’s the opposite of a red flag. A red flag says hold up, something isn’t right here whereas a green flag says this feels right.
What is the biggest green flag we should all be looking for when dating someone, in the early stages of dating someone or when considering potential with someone?
I think the biggest green flag of all is when someone is interested in dating you.
Yep, LOL. That's it.
Present you. Real you. Today’s you. Not future you, not potential you, not 5 years from now you, not white picket fence and house you, not VP of sales you, not celebrity you... NO…you as you are today.
And not just you today but you and them today. Not potential together. Not you and her potential. Not you and him potential. Not fantasy couple dreams. Nah, just things as they are today.
The biggest green flag of all in someone is when they see YOU... and that’s the person they’re interested in.
Current you. Today you. Not future you. Not fantasy you.
I won’t dismiss wanting to be with someone who encourages you to level up in life and grow. That is essential. I want that in a partner. I want someone who is excited about who I am becoming as a man and what we can become together. That is important.
But someone who is so focused on that that they overlook present you and they don’t put in the "soul work" to really see you as you are today… well, frankly that is a red flag.
You need someone who is attracted to you as you are today.
You need someone who thinks today’s version of you is the greatest thing ever and the version of you as a couple today is enough - not when everything is perfect in the future, where it’s all pumpkin patches and farmers markets, coffee in the morning, furniture shopping and nights in LOL.
The green flag is when they see you as you are today and that’s the person they're excited to explore a future with.
You need someone who sees and loves your present reality.
You live and date in the present and as much as you might have the most amazing potential and that means an amazing potential as a couple… that person has to date present you. And you have to date present them.
If that person ignores that… that’s how you end up in a relationship with no real foundation. Because it’s so focused on the future. A fantasy future. And that could mean overlooking pieces of you that need to be understood. You need to be understood.
That is the number one question to ask yourself in a relationship. Are you understood? Are they trying to understand you?
Well, in the case of someone focused on potential… I’m inclined to say no. They’re skipping that step in favor of falling in love with fantasy you.
It’s a big green flag to find someone who is interested in you as you are today.
Someone like this empowers you to be real. You can be calm and cool. You don’t have to show off. You don’t have anything to prove and most of all you can be vulnerable.
You can share how you got to where you are and who are today. You can and should of course share your vision for the future, what you want, who you're becoming, etc... but that’s not the focus.
You're the right person for someone as you are today.
You don’t need to be anything more than who you are right now. You don't need to prove anything more about yourself. Who you are today is enough. Your quirks today, your standards today, your abilities today, your compassion today, your humor today... That is enough.
For the right person… that’s all they need and that’s all they want.