Do you find yourself beating yourself up when a relationship ends?
It could be a short term fling, a semi serious relationship or a long term committed relationship that ended... and you say things like:
What a waste of time! I’m such an idiot for getting involved with that person.
I wasted such valuable energy and compassion on that person.
It was all fake! It was bullsh**!
It's normal to be upset.
BUT what you had wasn't fake. It wasn't for nothing... and it's time to realize this.
Gratitude changes everything - no matter what happened.
- it could be a short lived relationship where you went on three dates and on the third she said she had to go feed her dog and you never saw her again.
- it could be a semi serious relationship where you dated for a couple of months, you showed her your collection of sweeeeet magic tricks and the fact that you put apple sauce on pizza... but it fizzled out.
- it could be a 2 year old committed relationship where you had her saved in your phone as babeILY <3 … but it just was never able to cross the finish line. You can look at any of those relationship endings and you can be grateful despite the ending. Endings do not define you. Endings do not define what you learned.
Endings do not define the goodness you had. They do not negate it. They do not erase it. They do not define the larger story you're still living.
An ending - even if it’s an angry, frustrated, bitter one - is simply part of your story.
Can look at your story and still appreciate the goodness you had even if the person associated with it is not forever?
I think you can. It starts with realizing that not every person, not every relationship and not every person you connect with is going to become more.
Some people are simply in your life to teach you something or empower you to realize a truth about yourself... and within that context there is going to be a beginning and an end. You can to learn to appreciate what happened between that beginning and that ending. Because there is goodness there and THAT is forever.
The person might not be forever and that's OK. You can look back and appreciate the goodness you had. THAT is part of your story and it always matters. It always matters because you’ll ALWAYS have it. It's not easy - I get that! See the above LOL.
Within the smoke and dust of that chapter ending, can you still appreciate what you had?
- Isn’t there something in that chapter that is good enough to hang onto? Goodness you can still appreciate?
- Isn’t it still good enough for you that you both had something special for a while? That you both laughed and smiled together? That you shared special moments together? That you found compassion and compatibility together?
- Isn’t that worth being grateful for? Even if it ended in a dumpster fire?
- Isn’t that goodness worth appreciating even if it didn't last? I sure think so. THAT is part of your story... and that story is forever. The person is not. Fill your cup with that goodness rather than the bitterness of how it ended.
It was not fake. It was not bullsh**. You didn’t waste your time. You weren’t stupid for finding a connection with that person. Appreciate what you had.
Recognize that goodness is forever but the person is not.
You can appreciate the connection. You can appreciate love. You can appreciate the vulnerability you shared.
You can be grateful for the selflessness you learned in that relationship. You can be grateful for what you learned - that you learned more about yourself from him or from her, that you learned what it meant to share a dream, a vision, shared perspective or that you learned what it meant to commit.
THAT goodness is forever... but the person is not.
I find a lot of comfort and energy in not turning my back on something that was real and still is real.