You are better than resorting to chasing someone.
Ask yourself this... Why would you want to be with someone who isn’t fully there for you in the first place?
Why would you want to try to win someone over?
Why would you want to have to convince someone else to be there fully for you?
That is what you’re doing when you’re chasing. You’re trying to convince someone. You're chasing.
In life you either ATTRACT or you CHASE.
When you’re attracting… you’re proud of yourself, you put yourself first, you know you are worthy of more and you're honest with yourself and others.
In dating that means you put yourself out there, you put your best foot forward and you let someone else react to it. You’re honest with your intentions and who you are. You don’t hide anything and you’re not desperate. You’re not willing to be someone you’re not for the purpose of winning someone else over. You’re simply attracting what you deserve based on who you are.
When you're chasing… you’re impatient, you don’t feel in control, you feel desperate, lost and you might feel that someone is out of your league. That means you’re constantly wondering what someone thinks of you, you want to impress them, you want to win them over, you’re desperate for answers and you’re not being true to yourself.
Specifically that looks like chasing someone who has made it clear that they’re just not there fully for you. They’re either not looking for the same thing in relationship, they just want something casual and you want more, you’re way more enthusiastic about hanging out than they are, you’re the only one who ever reaches out, you’re willing to make them a priority but they simply are not… and so on and so on.
If you have to convince someone to be more… that’s chasing.
Maybe I’m an idealist but in the right relationship, with the right person you should never have to do any convincing. You should never have to pitch them. That is chasing.
- If you drop an L bomb and they say thank you... that’s chasing.
- If you want them to meet your parents but they say they can’t because they’re terribly allergic to cats… that’s chasing.
- If you have to convince them to stop seeing other people... that is chasing.
- If you have to convince them to stop only Snapchatting you and instead call or text you... that is chasing.
And my friend, get real… you know when this is happening. You know it! Your intuition knows it. So listen to it. When that’s the case… it’s OK.
It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just a sign that it’s time to stop. You can be happy and at peace with that decision because if someone was actually meant for you and if you were meant for them… I really really really believe that there would be no chasing necessary.
Yes, I certainly think there is something to be said about wining and dining. Early in dating I think you should bring your best self forward and be eager and enthusiastic about showcasing it. There is a bit of a pitch involved… I’m not gonna lie.
But once you get past the initial "getting to know someone" stage… from there... it’s all about reciprocity. It’s all about mutual growth and enthusiasm. Mutual intention.
Anything short of that is chasing and you deserve better than that.
You respect yourself too much to be chasing someone who is not willing to be there fully for you.
Why would you want to be with someone you have to convince to be there for you?
- If someone has made it clear that they're in a different stage in what they want in a relationship… that is laying the groundwork for chasing.
- If you’re talking to some guy and he keeps saying that his 20s and 30s are for messing around and nothing serious… you’re going to end up chasing. Sure, you could be the one who makes him rethink that and I say go for it… but if after a couple of dates it’s clear that’s not the case… you’re going to be chasing from there on out.
- If you’re talking to someone and that person has made it clear that they don’t want more, they don’t have mutual feelings, they say let’s be friends, they say they’re simply not ready for a relationship... you’re going to end up chasing.
Don’t do that!
That person has literally told you that they’re not there for you. They literally told you. No ambiguity about that. Don’t chase. Stop chasing. Start attracting. Stop chasing mixed signals.
Stop chasing someone who has made it clear they’re not ready.
Stop chasing someone who is full of excuses. Stop giving your time and energy to someone who has made it clear either with their words, their actions or lack thereof that they are not ready or they simply are not eager to be there fully for you.
Say no more and stop chasing. It’s not giving up. It’s not you losing. You're simply saying I’m going to close that chapter so I can be open to receiving a new one. It’s saying I’m going to stop looking here so I can see what’s going on elsewhere.
That's SO important because no matter how unattached you try to convince yourself you are… when you're chasing someone, you’re turning your back on other potential. And that's potential you won’t have to chase.