By Case Kenny

The love you want vs. the love you deserve

We need to stop having relationship problems with people we're not in a relationship with.

Can you relate to this? You’ve gone on a couple of dates with someone you like and you start to get frustrated because you find yourself thinking I know what I want, but I don’t know what they want. I can’t figure out what their intention is. I’ve made mine clear... where is their head at?

You know what you want and when you find it you're impatient to know if it's going to be reciprocated. What's the hold up?! Are we on the same page or not?!

And so you end up having relationship problems with someone you’re not in a relationship with.

When this happens... there’s nothing wrong with you at all.

You know what you want. You're dating intentionally. When you find someone you like... you speak to it. That's great! (not everyone can say that)

BUT sometimes you allow that level of self awareness to get you down. You start to develop impatience and relationship problems with people you’re not in relationships with… yet.

So what should you do?

Realize that there is a difference between the love you WANT and the love you DESERVE.

When you’ve done a lot of inner work and healing, you make your intentions known and you're confident in what you’re looking for… you start to think you want a love that will be quickly reciprocated.

You start to think that because you’re ready to rock... that your person will be as well. You start to think that the love you want is going to be explosive and fireworks right off the bat. You start to think that your love is going to be a story of 0 to 100.

That is what you want... but is it what you deserve?

​​​​ You deserve a connection with someone that is built to last. It's a connection with a strong foundation because you’re both honest and very clearly moving in the same direction. That's a foundation where neither of you lose yourself in the process. That's a foundation where neither of you leave behind elements of yourself, your passions or your hobbies in favor of rushing the connection forward.

You deserve a love where you’re both two main characters moving forward together.

That kind of love develops slowly.

As utterly cliche as it is... you can’t rush something you want to last forever.

And you want your love to last forever, right?

So recognize that a bit of patience goes a long way.​

A love that develops slowly is one where you actually spend time getting to know each other. That means you take time to figure out if you’re truly compatible. It means you take time to spot red flags and inconsistencies. It means you take the time to see if actions align with words.

Just because you’re on one page spiritually and emotionally... it doesn’t mean your potential partner is… BUT that doesn’t mean they’re not your person.

Your love doesn’t need to start on the same page and the fact that you’re NOT on the same page from day one doesn't mean anything more than that.

Allow your love to develop slowly... because that is what you deserve. You deserve a love that has stability and a foundation.

Going slow is OK.


Because if the relationship is going where you’re both hoping it will.... you’re going to have a long time together in the future. So what’s the rush? There’s no pressure.

As long as no one is doing more "convincing" than the other and both of you are honest about your intention to keep growing together... going slow is OK.

I’d much rather take a love that develops slowly than a love that is fireworks and sparks from day one but dies on day 300 because it has no foundation.

A foundation means it’s clear you’re choosing them and they’re choosing you.

Don’t you think that's the love you deserve?

The longest lasting connection you deserve is one that takes time to grow. It's not rushed. It isn’t built out of pressure.

It has a foundation where you both truly get to know each other, where you both invest more and more along the way until it’s clear you’ve both done the work, your intentions are real and all actions match words.

THAT is what you deserve.